Rabbi Simcha Cohen
Family: a dialogue between husband and wife
Ancient philosophers divided everything in the world into four categories: inanimate objects, plants, animals and speaking beings.
Speaking beings are the highest form, human beings. The fact that humankind is defined in this way points to the importance of the human capacity for speech. It is what sets people apart from all other living creatures.
Speech enables us to connect with other people.
Almost every acquaintance begins with a conversation, and the bond deepens and strengthens as we find a suitable person to talk to: one speaks and the other listens, then they exchange roles. Since communication expresses a connection between people, it is easy to understand why, when people quarrel, they first shout at each other and then fall silent and stop talking to one another. In this case, silence expresses and emphasizes their distance and separation, and their unwillingness to establish any connection because of their deep emotional disagreement.
Although the true purpose of speech is to connect people, its improper or irresponsible use can cause serious harm and emotional complications between them.
The benefits of communication, and the harm it can cause, are particularly evident in conversations between husbands and wives.
On the one hand, when a husband happily talks with his wife, she experiences a pleasant feeling of closeness. On the other hand, men and women differ in the way they express themselves and listen to others, and these differences often give rise to conflict.
It should be noted that when men are asked, “What do you consider the greatest problem in your marriage?”, they usually point to constant criticism from their wife and to her not respecting or appreciating them enough.
Wives also complain that they are not appreciated, but they identify not being listened to as another major problem.
The damage caused by a lack of attention is so great that many wives leave their husbands for this reason. Since a man suffers less from inattention than a woman, he cannot even imagine how much it troubles his wife that he does not listen to her, or how much she suffers because of it.
He tells himself, “What have I done?! I haven't hurt her or said anything offensive. I even compliment her often! It was only so that I could understand her better that I hinted she ought to be more concise and get to the point!”