Rabbi Simcha Cohen
Alongside the mechanism that triggers feelings of unease when his wife is unhappy, the Almighty has instilled in a man an overwhelming need for her to be happy, to be satisfied with family life in general and her husband in particular, to take pleasure in what he does for her, and to be satisfied with her relationship with him.
To feel this, he expects a response from her. He waits for an expression of joy, or at least a happy expression on her face, and best of all, direct statements that she is happy thanks to his efforts. This need is so strong that when his wife’s response does not meet his expectations, he asks her in a plaintive tone: “Tell me that you’re happy, that you’re enjoying yourself, let me know that you can’t live without me…”
His wife usually responds to this with a bewildered and surprised look. She has no idea what he wants from her or what he feels is missing. She asks herself, “Why does he want me to say this?” and finds no answer.
Indeed, it should be noted that women, for the most part, are not inclined to say much about how satisfied they are with their husbands.
At the same time, they like to describe their problems and difficulties in detail.
In light of everything said above, it becomes clear that a woman who wants to strengthen her bond with her husband and make her family life more pleasant must take into account her husband’s basic need: to hear from her that she is satisfied with him. She should keep telling him how happy she is with him and how happy she is in their marriage. Such statements will help him feel more confident and make him twice as eager for her closeness and company. He will think about how to strengthen and develop their bond further, so that he can bring her more joy and give her more pleasure. In fact, this will awaken pure and true love for her within him. Such positive feedback from a woman is especially important when her husband has made an effort and done something for her, and also when he comes home.
A warm expression and a generous smile will strengthen and reinforce the family bond.
Later, we will explain why women are not inclined to express satisfaction. At the same time, it should be noted that some women mistakenly believe that if they tell their husbands how happy they are and how satisfied they are with what their husbands do for them, their husbands will think they have done wonderfully and begin to help them less and give them less. This way of thinking is shaped by a woman’s practical experience: many times, when she described to her husband how hard things were for her, he tried to fulfill her request more quickly to “get some peace and quiet.”
But, as we have already said, this way of thinking is based on a misconception. The facts prove the opposite: if a woman expresses satisfaction with her husband, and especially with what he does for her, she receives much more from him than she would obtain through complaints and whining.