Today I want to offer myself and you some advice on how to avoid getting tired—a real recipe for beating fatigue. You will say this is impossible: we work inside and outside the home, often working three shifts, go to bed late, and get up early… We try to keep our strength up, taking every imaginable and unimaginable vitamin. Nothing helps.
One of the Hasidic rebbes used to say: "When I was young, I dreamed of improving the whole world. As I grew older, I realized this was an illusion. I could not accomplish this task alone. Then I decided to improve at least all the people in my town. But that, too, proved beyond my abilities. I realized I could not manage it. Then I set out to improve the members of my household, to lead them onto the path of righteousness. But when I failed at that as well, I decided to improve at least myself."
Clearly, such a person was able to become a rebbe, a righteous man among the people of Israel. As soon as a person understands that he must first improve himself, his righteousness begins to spread around him like the pleasant scent of perfume, even without his spraying it on others. Those close to such a person feel his good influence without his saying thousands of words to correct them.
How often we criticize our children and loved ones. "How could you do that?" "What kind of way is that to speak?" I remember that when my father died, one of the things we talked about while sitting shiva was how Dad could be such a great, remarkable man, how he influenced us without saying anything to us. He "built" us, helped us develop as individuals, even without criticizing or lecturing us. He was always growing. From time to time, he would say, as if addressing no one in particular: "I read that it is not fitting for a Jew to be impatient," "I have decided to praise everyone more often," "This week I will work on a particular character trait, such as joy." We saw before us a person in constant spiritual pursuit, always moving forward. He always spoke about himself, about how he could improve himself, yet this influenced us! Just like the Hasidic rebbe we spoke about: a person improves himself, but this affects those around him. Such a person's influence is like a pleasant fragrance spreading from him—the source of the scent—to everyone around him, without his even having to address them directly.
Personal example is far more effective than any criticism, even constructive criticism. How hard, how exhausting it is to be constantly on the lookout for something to correct! How tiring the constant tension and daily struggle are!
At the end of the day, what tires me most is not washing dishes, doing laundry, ironing, cooking, or the like. What tires me most is the constant arguing, the confrontation between parents and children.
So let us avoid this. Let us focus not on criticizing others, but on developing our own character, on improving our traits in a way that will be apparent to those around us. As it says in Parashat Nitzavim: "And the L-rd will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring…" (Deuteronomy 30:6). What does circumcision of the heart mean? It means removing from the heart whatever prevents it from perceiving the Creator, a kind of coarse covering. For example, bad character traits. In other words, if a person works on himself, the Creator helps him by removing these bad traits from the hearts of his offspring.