Today I want to give you a recipe for… silence. You would be right to point out that before teaching others to be silent, I need to learn to do so myself—yet I keep chattering. I do not want to silence anyone. It is very important to express what you feel; the main thing is to do it properly, so that the conversation leaves only a positive impression.
I am beginning to put this recipe into practice along with you. So, let us begin. What is the problem with chattering? We love sharing the good things that happen to us at home and at work, but… The little problem is that not everyone will rejoice with us, not everyone is ready to give compliments, and not everyone has a “good eye.” I am not urging you to suspect your friends of anything like this. But sometimes you and I also find it hard to say something kind or give a compliment, don't we?
Suppose there are two friends. One has a husband who works, thank G-d, and earns well—may G-d grant everyone the same. He is perfectly happy to hand her his credit card: “Have fun!” But he is completely unwilling to help around the house or touch any housework. The other woman's husband helps a great deal around the house and will tackle any chore, but he will not let her go out with her girlfriends without him at all. He is suspicious and questions her about where she has been and whom she went there with—such a distrustful type. Each friend can talk about her husband's good qualities, and each will envy the other. If only they knew the other side of the coin!
Sometimes an ordinary account of what happens in your home every day—something entirely routine to you—can be a revelation to your friend and make her envious, even if she is not an envious person. It is simply that this particular subject is a sore point, so it will gnaw at her inside.
I am not saying that we should not talk. It is simply that, just as there is selective hearing (we often hear only what we want to—“What did you say? Oh, sorry, I didn't hear you”), our conversation should also pass through an internal filter.
How great is the Almighty's wisdom, recorded in His Torah! What remarkable ways He uses to teach us proper conduct. In the portion of Ki Teitzei, the Torah writes, among other things, about the prohibition against plowing with an ox and a donkey together (Deuteronomy 22:10). Why? Because part of an ox's digestion involves a second round of digestion: the food returns to its mouth, and the ox chews it again. Now, the ox and the donkey have each received their portion of grass or hay. The donkey has eaten, and the ox has eaten. They go out to plow—the donkey looks over and sees that the ox is chewing something again! That means the owner has given the ox extra food! The donkey begins to envy the ox! To prevent this—to prevent envy—the Almighty forbade plowing with an ox and a donkey together. From this we can learn that we should take great care to avoid envy.
In addition, the Midrash on the portion of Ki Tisa (32:19) relates that the first Tablets, which were given amid thunder, lightning, and the blasts of shofars, were shattered precisely because they were given with so much noise. In other words, the entire event was so loud and spectacular that it led to the shattering of the Tablets. The second Tablets were given much more quietly and modestly, which is why they still exist to this day, although we do not know where.
In other words, anything done with excessive pomp risks being destroyed, shattered. Conversely, anything done quietly, modestly, away from the fanfare—blessing may rest upon it, and good fortune will accompany it.
The Torah teaches us to think about what we say. Of course, we can share some of the good things that happen to us, but it is better to reserve important things for those closest to us—our parents and husbands—rather than chatter about them. As far as we can, we should avoid envy; as far as possible, we should avoid publicity. Of course, we should not suspect everyone we know of having an “evil eye,” especially since it has no effect on someone who does not believe in it, but the Torah still writes nothing in vain.
With all my heart, I wish you, my dears, a life filled with only good things!
Translated and adapted by Mrs. Zissi Skarzhinskaya