A Woman’s Strongest Need

The needs that bind a wife to her husband

A woman’s strongest need that binds her to her husband is to feel their unity in every situation, without conditions or limits. She wants to be sure that she is the most important person in the world to him, that there is no thing or person in the world more important to him than she is, including his father, mother, and other relatives, as well as his work. She also needs to feel wanted and loved at all times. She wants to hear him say this plainly. A husband who constantly tells his wife that she is more important to him than anyone else makes an important contribution to her sense of security in their bond.

Sometimes a woman’s need to feel wanted and loved in every situation leads her to seek proof of it.

To this end, she conducts “tests” whose results are meant to show that her husband really is attached to her. In most cases, these tests are carried out unconsciously, and only occasionally is she aware of them. The need to obtain proof of the existence and strength of their bond creates intermediate needs.

For example, she needs her husband’s compliments not only because she enjoys receiving compliments, but also because they show how he strives to please her and that he is focused on her and their union.

She needs this proof so much that sometimes she even deliberately irritates her husband just to see his reaction and test how attached he really is to her. She expects him to respond courteously and patiently despite her negative behavior toward him.

All of this is simply to obtain proof that his love is constant, rather than present only when he “gets” something out of his relationship with her. Sometimes she “rejects” his compliments simply to test whether he is willing to “fight” for them. Then she will have “proof” that he really does see her in a positive light.

We express our deep gratitude to the publisher “Mishpacha Kehalacha” (www.mishpacha.ru) for permission to publish chapters from the book “The Jewish Home.”