Rebbetzin Esther Offengenden
Family arguments - instructions that also serve as safety precautions:
1) Keep the argument focused
One issue at a time!!!2) Unity of time and place
Do not carry an argument from place to place or drag it out. Sit down, argue, finish—that’s it!3) Do not bring up the past
Not last time, not last year, and not what happened at Mom’s.4) Do not return
to issues you have already argued about and made peace over. The amnesty must be complete!5) Set boundaries
There are families in which smashing dishes is simply unthinkable. That is their boundary, their red line. Where are your boundaries? Are you comfortable with them?6) Words: which are acceptable, and which are absolutely off-limits
You can argue in terms such as “This isn’t good!” “It’s time to change something,” and so on. Words are an extremely dangerous weapon. The wounds they inflict often never heal.7) Do not go to bed until you have made peace
Feeling sleepy? Have work tomorrow? Then make peace quickly! This also helps prevent situations in which you do not speak to each other for a week.8) Do not hesitate to be the first to make peace!
9) Forgive wholeheartedly
According to Rambam, this is what distinguishes Jews – the ability and willingness to forgive.to be continued