Rebbetzin Leah Gans
Now I would like to quote a passage from the book “Ahavat Chesed,” which I mentioned above. This is the section “Acts of Kindness Involving Speech” (8:2).
“If his friend is angry with someone, and he can dispel that anger with his words, this will be an act of kindness. As it is written of Yosef that he said: ‘So, if you remember me when things go well for you, (please) show me kindness: mention me to Pharaoh and bring me out of this house’ (Genesis, 40:14). Likewise, if he can use his speech to prevent something bad from happening to his friend, this too will be an act of kindness. For example, suppose one day he finds himself among people suspected of theft, and (from certain signs) he realizes that they are planning to go and rob someone. Then he hears them talking about that person’s financial situation (that he is wealthy and worth robbing); it would be right for him to ‘join in’ with them and say that this person is poor, even if he himself knows that this is not so. And this will be an act of kindness. As we know, this is how Avraham acted in relation to Sarah: ‘This is the kindness you can do for me: wherever we go, say of me: He is my brother’ (Genesis, 20:13).”
Here we see another example of how truth and falsehood are not absolute concepts.
Everything must be judged in light of the Torah. If, in the Torah’s view, saying that a wealthy man is poor and thereby saving him from being robbed is truth, then in this case telling the “objective” truth and thereby bringing misfortune upon him is falsehood.
We continue reading “Ahavat Chesed”: “Likewise, if he can alert his friend and offer advice about something so that his friend can avoid it, then of course he must do so according to the law, as it is written at the end of ‘Choshen Mishpat’ (426a). Furthermore, if through his conversation he can bring about one person helping another, this too is an act of kindness, and he will receive a blessing from the Almighty for it, as stated in the Tosefta (Pe’ah, 4:17). And even if he said to others: ‘Give,’ he will receive a reward for it, as it is said (Deuteronomy, 15:10): ‘…for because of this (that is, because of the speech), the L-rd your G-d will bless you in all your deeds and in everything to which you put your hand.’”.
This refers, for example, to those who go around collecting tzedakah.
Girls often come to our door collecting for “Bonei Olam,” “Yad Eliezer,” or “Chasdei Naomi.” None of these girls is asking for herself or because she is in need. They are asking for others, just as it is written: “said to others: ‘Give.’” In this way, they do chesed through their speech (in addition to doing chesed lema’aseh, that is, through action—walking around, knocking on doors, collecting).
Let us continue reading “Ahavat Chesed” (8:3): “To offer your fellow appropriate advice concerning his affairs, as it is written in ‘Choshen Mishpat’ (97a), and this applies even (to helping) the wealthy.”
Each of us has greater knowledge in some field and can advise others.
For example, if there is a doctor or nurse among our acquaintances, we can sometimes ask them for advice. If someone has already “learned all the ins and outs” of arranging a mashkanta (mortgage loan), they can advise others on how to do it more easily, more economically, and more efficiently. Someone who works in construction can offer advice in that field. It turns out that advising someone based on our own experience is more than simply answering their question. In this case, it is also fulfilling the mitzvah of chesed through our speech.
In our community there are people called askanim (community activists), and they do tremendous chesed, for example, in the field of medical treatment.
They study a particular branch of medicine: which doctors and hospitals are the best in that field, and whether it is better to receive treatment in Israel or abroad. Recently, I saw an advertisement in our local newspaper saying that someone offers advice on where to get better, less expensive dental treatment. Others help with arnona (municipal tax), offering advice on how to save money. There are financial advisers. And even with something like baking challah, there are experts ready to advise us on how to rescue our dough if it has not turned out well.
Anyone who has studied a particular field thoroughly (through their work or because they once encountered difficulties) can help someone else with advice.
I have a neighbor who is an expert at laundry. She shares her “tricks” for getting things clean with all the neighboring women. I can always turn to her and describe the problem (that is, what caused the stain), and she advises me on what to use to remove it: baking soda, acetone, “St. Moritz” (a degreaser), “Economica” (chlorine bleach), citric acid… Her advice has saved so many of my things! This is more than simply being nice. It is real chesed, which she does through the power of her speech.
Who would have thought that through such seemingly small things we could fulfill a great mitzvah!
I remember that when I was studying at seminary, I had a friend from another class who was one year older. We would walk to the Western Wall and back together on Shabbat (we were living in Geulah then). At the time there was nothing to fear [apparently, this refers to the route through Damascus Gate — translator’s note], unlike today. Nowadays, I would not let my daughter take that route, but back then it was safe. We chatted a great deal along the way, and among other things she told me that the Torah teacher I would have that year really loved and appreciated it when a student knew a Torah verse and Rashi’s commentary on it by heart. I took that into account.
When the teacher came into the classroom, she began calling on one girl after another and asking them to recite a verse from memory. No one knew it—they were not prepared for this style of learning. But I had managed to prepare, because I had been forewarned. I think my friend never even considered what a chesed she had done for me, simply in the course of a conversation. Yet sometimes, instead, people use their conversations for lashon hara or gossip…
To be continued
Prepared by Mrs. Zissi Skarzhinskaya