Children are life's flowers. Yet how often we feel mentally and physically exhausted by them. Those two have quarreled again, that one keeps insisting he is hungry, our daughter does not like the dress Mom has laid out for preschool, and our son came home late from his friends—Mom nearly went out of her mind.
And then Mom lets out a sorrowful “Oy!” How can they do this?! Don't they realize they are shortening my life? The Ben Ish Chai says: the gematria of the word “oy” (17) equals the gematria of the word “tov,” good. It turns out that children are not “oy”; on the contrary, they are “good.” Why?
In Parashat Ki Tavo (Deuteronomy 28:11), it is written: “And the L-rd will distinguish you for good in the fruit of your womb.” The commentary Torat Moshe explains this verse as follows: “vehotircha Hashem letovah bifri vitnecha” (here, “will distinguish”—vehotircha—comes from the word “tircha,” meaning cares). Thus, caring for children is always “letovah,” for the good. The Almighty gives us parents life for one simple reason: our children need us. Children do not “drain” the life out of us; on the contrary, in the merit of our having children, the Almighty adds years to our lives.
Let me tell you about myself. About 8 years ago, my Michal was born. Quite soon after the birth, I was found to have a tumor. Surgery was scheduled as quickly as possible, within a few days. What does one do in such cases? Prayer, good deeds—I undertook several commitments. And one must also go to the gedolei Yisrael (sages). I went to Rebbetzin Kanievsky, may she rest in peace, for a blessing. I told her: “Rebbetzin, look at what is happening to me! You can even see this tumor! On Thursday (in 2 days), I am scheduled for surgery! I want to live so much!”
The Rebbetzin looked behind me and said: “One moment, is that baby in the stroller your daughter?” I answered: “Yes, that is my daughter Michali.” The Rebbetzin said: “There is nothing wrong with you.” I was surprised: “Rebbetzin, give me your hand; you will be able to feel it yourself, to feel that there is something there.” She replied: “No, tomorrow you will wake up in the morning, and there will be nothing there—it will be clear and smooth. This little girl needs you. You will live. And you will see that there is nothing wrong with you.”
Even today, I feel dizzy, as though it all happened yesterday. I came home in tears. I could feel with absolute certainty that there was a lump of something inside me; it was bothering me. On the other hand, I had complete and absolute faith in the Rebbetzin's words, for “the righteous person decrees, and the Almighty fulfills.” I believed in a miracle.
In the morning I got up and felt that there was nothing there. Noth-ing!
I went to the hospital to have a scan, so that the doctors would not call afterward to accuse me of failing to show up for surgery. The scan was completely clear, with not a trace of a tumor. I asked them to check again—the tumor was gone!
That is why I want to say that Torat Moshe made an amazingly accurate observation: children extend our lives.
So the next time you are tired and irritated, say “tov” instead of “oy.” Children are good! Children are life!