Rebbetzin Esther Offengenden
Sometimes even children raised in religious families reach an age when they begin saying that they do not believe in G-d. Doubts and a search for identity are typical of teenagers.
A teacher at a religious school discussed this question with her teenage students: “Which is better: to return to faith on your own or to be born into a religious family?”
She wanted to show the girls that there are people who have returned to faith, and everything they do is deeply felt. They truly yearn for the Almighty and seek Him. We, on the other hand, were born this way, so it is possible that fulfilling what is required of us has become a habit, and that we do some things automatically. The teacher explained that at some point in life, everyone must ask themselves: “Do I really believe this?”
Many children became interested, came home full of excitement, and continued the discussion at home. This lesson gave parents an opportunity to talk with their children, show them books and interesting articles on the subject, and discuss which proofs of the Almighty’s existence they could present at the next lesson and which were most compelling.
Notice how many parents were able to seize the moment when their child began thinking about these issues independently, became interested, wanted to learn more, and began asking questions!
“I Don’t Want to Pray”
“I have a question about prayer at school. Last year my son had a teacher who explained everything and provided texts with vowel points, and everything was going wonderfully for him! This year he has a different teacher, with a different approach and a completely different attitude. My son complains that he finds it difficult; he does not want to pray, and I don’t know what to do about it.
The boy has begun finding it difficult to pray. They do not provide vowel points, and there is no competition to see who can do it best, either. The boy also says that there is one child in his class who speaks very quickly, and he simply cannot keep up with him.”
I think this is a fantastic opportunity to talk with a child about why we pray.
You could suggest that he write down what he would like in life and what he is missing, and keep that piece of paper beside him. “Listen, how wonderful! They give you a special time for prayer at school—tuck this list into your book. Every day you can decide for yourself what matters most to you, what you most want to ask the Almighty for.”
“I Pray, but Get Nothing”
A question: how do you explain it to a child when he keeps asking and asking, yet everything turns out exactly the opposite? After all, this is not a business transaction: I pray to You now, and in return You owe me this or that. Say a child wanted a bicycle and received it. Or did not receive it. Things can turn out either way.
If the child is old enough, you can ask what he thinks: if you ask the Creator for something, will He definitely give it to you? Together, you can reach the conclusion that sometimes a person receives exactly what he asks for, sometimes only part of it, and sometimes nothing at all. You can discuss with him why the world was created this way.
It is actually an interesting question: which stories do we choose to tell our children?
If you sense that a child is disappointed that his prayer has gone “unanswered,” it is worth telling him a story about someone who prayed very sincerely and for a long time for something, but did not receive what he wanted. Yet his prayer rose to heaven and helped his loved ones very, very much. There are many beautiful stories like this. These stories will give a child a sense and an understanding that nothing we do is ever in vain.