Human Likeness to God — Human Instincts
The unquestionable validity of the Torah's view of relations between the sexes becomes apparent to a Jewish man and woman only after they marry. Before this momentous day in their lives, the bride and groom had been obliged, guided by their moral sense, to suppress their sensuality. The inner struggle within each of them was difficult and intense. And as in any struggle, hostility built up, regardless of which side prevailed: morality or the carnal impulse. Guilt is the means by which a person's moral nature seeks to suppress the sexual impulse and robs it of the joy of victory.
Yet this conflict is temporary. In marriage, the Divine image imprinted on a human being and the sexual instinct with which the Creator endowed that person are reconciled. With God's help and blessing, harmony should arise between the spiritual and moral side of the personality and the sensual and material nature of the human being, and the contradictions that have arisen between them should be resolved. It is immensely important to come to one's wedding in moral purity and inner balance. Any prejudice that enters the marital bedroom, any conscious or unconscious view of sex as sin, and any identification of desire with lust can only obstruct the harmonious union of the moral and carnal impulses within a person, because, in essence, there is nothing sinful, indecent, or animalistic in the sexual impulse expressed within permitted bounds that could cause a person to feel guilty.
Even before two people become “one flesh,” each must achieve peace with themselves. Without this, two distinct individuals have little chance of achieving marital harmony. Even before entering the marriage covenant, each must free themselves of misconceptions about the physical side of love, which may stand in the way of the fullness and perfection of their life together.
And this is precisely what is achieved by observing the Jewish laws of family purity over the years of marriage. But first we must clearly explain what family purity is and what it entails.
What Is Family Purity?
One of Judaism's strengths is that it is not merely a religion confined to affirming religious dogma, formal ceremonies, and public worship. The laws of Judaism encompass all the important aspects of a Jew's life—from everyday practical concerns to how the table should be set, from the structure of government to the relationship between children and parents, from conduct in society to the way one dresses. This extraordinarily broad scope is Judaism's greatest strength, but—in our time—it is also an obstacle, because people regard with suspicion anything that does not conform to their established ideas.
Torah law has a great deal to say about relations between the sexes within family life. Of course, sexuality is not the only factor that influences a person, and perhaps not even the most important, but its significance is beyond doubt. Neglecting it carries consequences so grave that Jewish law treats this factor with exceptional seriousness.
The subject of marriage occupies a significant portion of Talmudic literature. More than a sixth of the entire Talmud—a whole order—is devoted to marriage, divorce, and women's rights. Every sphere of family life, without exception, is discussed in a manner characterized, on the one hand, by delicacy and, on the other, by unfailing frankness and the absence of excessive sentimentality. The sexual aspect of family life is one of the most important, and tractate Niddah is devoted to it—in addition to the extensive material on the same subject in other sections of the Talmud.
It is not the purpose of this work to discuss the details of these laws, but the most important ones must be set out so that readers can fully appreciate the wisdom and breadth of Jewish law. Jewish law forbids a husband to approach his wife during the days of her monthly bleeding (usually lasting 5—7 days). This period is extended by a further 7 days, known as the “seven clean days.” All physical contact between spouses is forbidden, which is why observant Jewish homes have two separate beds for husband and wife. During this period, spouses are expected to treat each other with love and respect, but they are forbidden to express their feelings through physical intimacy—excellent preparation for the later stage of their lives when they will have to turn to other forms of intimacy in place of sexual intimacy. At the end of this period, which lasts from 12 to 14 days (depending on the traditions followed by different communities), the woman must immerse herself in the waters of a mikveh and recite a blessing in which she thanks God, Who has sanctified us with His commandments and commanded us to immerse ourselves in the waters of a mikveh.
The mikveh has served the Jewish people since ancient times. In accordance with the laws of Scripture, it was used very widely in the days of the First and Second Temples. A person who, for some reason, had become ritually impure was forbidden to eat sacrificial meat or enter the Temple until they had immersed themselves in a mikveh. Most of the mikveh's functions temporarily ceased after the destruction of the Second Temple. Today, while we have no Temple, we do not offer sacrifices. Only a woman at the end of her monthly bleeding must immerse herself in a mikveh in our time as well, because otherwise she is unable not only to enter the Temple but also to have intimate relations with her husband.
Immersion in a mikveh is also required of men and women who decide to convert to Judaism and join the people of Israel. Under certain conditions, new utensils are immersed in a mikveh before they are first used. Some Jews are very meticulous about observing the rule of immersing themselves in a mikveh before morning prayers, as well as before Shabbat and festivals. The mikveh is a communal institution and is generally housed in a dedicated, purpose-built building, where the rite of immersion takes place in an appropriately modest and discreet atmosphere.