Motivation - The Second Method - A Reward After All

The Second Method. A Reward After All

One of a person's strongest incentives is personal benefit. The second method of motivation—rewards—is based on this. Rewards can be small and symbolic, or, conversely, cumulative and long-term. Everything depends on the agreement made in advance.

It is important to give the child precise, specific tasks—then responsibility for completing them can be transferred to the child himself, as though assigning him a job. Giving a precise task means not saying, “Clean your room,” but saying, “Make the bed (straighten it out, put the pillow at the head), sweep, hang up your clothes, throw away the rubbish.”

It is best to discuss the upcoming tasks in a calm setting, explaining why both you and the child need them to be done. Do not create a sense of manipulation; on the contrary, make it clear that this is something the child himself needs. Discuss the list of tasks, the desired standard, and the time for completing them with him, and then leave it “to his conscience,” having set a reward—his pay.

Unlike praise, a reward is given for the result, not for effort. The parent completely detaches emotionally from responsibility for the result: he does not worry about whether the child will receive his reward, does not nag, and does not remind him (well, perhaps once). It is now in the child's own hands—this is how responsibility develops. Moreover, the parent does not become the judge of whether the child deserves a reward; the child himself can answer that by recalling (or reading, if the agreement was written) the conditions for receiving it.

Prepared by Mrs. Zissi Skarzhinskaya, based on Rav Moshe Gans's book “Helping Without Breaking”

To be continued