Lea Odelia
...By the way, around the same time, I was “offered” a place in the Ner LeElef program. And you can guess what I said ;-)
But. I was told that my consent was entirely optional! Well, we’ll see, I thought…
Then one fine evening, when Dad was feeling better, I finally managed to get away to meet a friend. But we never met, because while I was on my way, my boss called and said that interviews for Ner LeElef were taking place right that very moment and I needed to come to the synagogue. I did not argue with my boss, but I arrived in the rebellious mood of someone whose evening had been spoiled. I spoke accordingly to the respected rabbi conducting the interview. In other words, my aim, of course, was not to be accepted. But. Well, you get the picture…
He was a rabbi, after all, able to recognize a lost Jewish soul in an angry girl rebelling against the whole world and herself. And I began studying again. Yes. A new, wonderful, yet frightening world was opening up and drawing me in more and more. It was hard. Very hard.
Teshuvah is that one moment when you realize you cannot allow yourself to be the way you used to be.
At the same time, I lacked both knowledge and understanding. Taking something like this on was not easy. I remember it as if it were yesterday:
Blacker than black, and downward, A chill at the thought, and a fall. The obelisk of a sorrowful lamp— A light in a gloomy dungeon.
The silence of my prayer, Echoing off cold walls, Cries out! And with a scream from the depths Soars upward, touching You…
And in the sound of a gentle silence, O You Whose Name is unutterable, I hear that You alone are near, The one Father of my soul…
Even before my trip to Israel, I was trying to keep some mitzvot… And despite my inner conflicts, everything gradually fell into place. Then, six months later, Dad died…
About a month later, sitting home alone, beside myself with grief, I said, “L-rd! How I wish I could get away from here for 8 months!” (I don’t know why exactly 8, but that is what I said). At that moment, the phone rang, and an unfamiliar woman’s voice said, “I’m calling from Jerusalem to invite you to a study program lasting 8-9 months.” For a moment, I thought I had gone mad, because things like that just don’t happen!
But it was true! At first, I did not understand how she had gotten my details. Then I barely managed to remember that six months earlier, in Israel, we had met with Jewish Agency staff. At the end, I asked one of them what prospects I had in Israel with my education—was it even needed there? He said that I was very much needed! And he asked me to leave my phone number. I quickly scribbled it on a scrap of wrapping paper... Apparently, that is how it ended up at Beit Ulpana.
I was filled with enthusiasm. The thought of Israel sustained me and brought me back to life. But. I could not leave Mom and Grandma alone after our loss...
Israel became my 2000-year-old dream. I only occasionally ventured to mention it, but my family’s reaction was so negative that I stopped talking about it.
Time passed. I continued studying, observing mitzvot, working, and dreaming… Then one day, after getting cable TV, Mom began flipping through the new channels. Some film was playing on one of them, showing a landscape: yellow stones, palm trees, and so on. I said, “Mom! That’s Israel!” She chuckled, as if to say it was just a Middle Eastern scene. But I said, “Israel!” The next shot showed the Tel Aviv waterfront! Aaaaah! I HAD BEEN THERE! Then came Ben-Gurion and El Al planes…
I fell silent because I could not speak. Tears streamed down my face without stopping.
Mom looked at me differently and asked, “Well, why are you bawling?” I suggested we talk calmly. We sat down in the kitchen, and I began explaining what this country meant to me, what opportunities I had there, and so on and so forth. Mom agreed to think about it, and I left for another class at the synagogue. As I reached the door, Mom called. She said someone from Israel had called, offering me a chance to come and study for a year… I burst into the synagogue with a joyful cry: “Again! Again I say out loud that I want to go to Israel, and I get an answer straight away! The way is open!” You cannot shut your eyes and ignore the obvious! Someone from Israel called back. He turned out to be from Machon Lev and insisted that I had filled out an application to that institution at some seminar in Ukraine. But I had not been anywhere or filled anything out. In short, we had a lovely conversation, and afterward Israel became even more real. Mom began to take the idea more calmly. After all, she had seen everything too.
Then I had a dream… I saw my father and told him I was planning to leave for Israel. I remember waiting for his reaction in the dream—and he smiled and said, “If I could, I would take you there myself…”
After that, I approached the administration and asked them to recommend a suitable place to study. Yes, studying was exactly what I wanted! They helped me, and I was supposed to fly out in August. But. Eretz Yisrael does not come easily… And the problems began. First the invitation was not properly prepared, then there were problems with the visa… Had I known then that the simplest solution was aliyah, that applying for permanent residency would have been easiest, I would have done it. But I did not know, and the process dragged on.
My departure date was postponed several times, causing nervous breakdowns. In the end, I did indeed arrive in Israel just before Sukkot, on a Tuesday evening (Sukkot began on Wednesday evening, just like this year)! From Odessa—to Jerusalem, to Kiryat Belz (for those unfamiliar with it, one of Jerusalem’s most religious Hasidic neighborhoods)—to the Nativ Binah dormitory. Straight from ordinary weekdays into the holidays! (At the time, I observed the second day of Yom Tov, which flowed straight into Shabbat). And it was wonderful!
I will not describe in detail what happened to me over all those years. That is another story! Besides, many people already know, and those who do not can ask if they are interested. I will only say that here I received more than I could have dreamed of. I found my land, my people, my profession. I found myself.
Everything I had rejected and run away from turned out to be a priceless gift…
I am grateful to the Creator for choosing me and continuing to “prepare my steps,” for my wonderful daughters—may they be healthy! And, of course, for so much else… I am grateful to the people who were there at the beginning of my journey, to those who supported me and continue to support me here, in the Holy Land. Thank you!