Rebbetzin Esther Offengenden
Without questions, there are no answers. (A principle of learning)
Everyone knows that children are relentless “why-askers.” Among other things, they like to ask questions about faith, the Almighty, and how the world works. By asking, they show their trust in us. And these questions are the best, most wonderful thing there could possibly be for nurturing faith.
It is a blessing when a child asks questions, whatever they may be.
When it comes to faith, there are no “bad” questions. Naturally, children ask questions appropriate to their age. A small child will ask who made the stars. And this is a wonderful opportunity to tell him about the Creator, but it must be done thoughtfully. Often, instead of answering, parents brush the child off: “You’re not old enough yet. You’ll understand for yourself when you grow up!”
"Who Made All This?"
For example, parents want to instill faith in G-d in their child. The child asks, “Who made the stars?” “The Almighty,” they answer. “Who made the sky?” “The Almighty.” “Who made the house?” “The Almighty.” “Who made the sea?” “Leave me alone, I’ve already told you a hundred times: the Almighty!” And after this explanation, the child goes outside, sees a house under construction, and says, “So that’s what the Almighty looks like?!”
It is very important to be clear about what I actually want. Do I want to help him understand who the Almighty is, or do I want to brush off his questions and get on with my own affairs?
If I want to tell a child that the Almighty created the world, that certainly does not mean that He also builds the house. And if I think about it, I will find a way to explain this difference to the child. I can say that the Almighty gave people the knowledge needed to build a house, enabling architects, designers, and engineers first to design the house and draw up plans for each part of it, and then enabling workers to bring their designs to life. The Almighty gave people the strength with which they can build a house.
This tree grew from a little seed, a seed. The little seed originated and developed in the tree that came before it. But the original, very first tree in this chain was created by the Almighty.
"Where Is the Almighty?"
There is a wonderful question that almost all children ask: “Where exactly is He, this Almighty, and why can’t I see Him?”
The answer to this question depends on the child’s age. Rav Wolbe writes that under no circumstances should you tell even a very small child, “In the sky.” This answer automatically raises the child’s next question: “What is He doing up there?” In fact, this is simply a variation on the answer “The Almighty builds the house.” The child immediately makes an association: “Airplanes fly in the sky. And if the Almighty is there too, how do they avoid colliding? And anyway, what is the sky? What do we mean when we say that word?” Rav Wolbe recommends answering, “Everywhere!” The Almighty is everywhere and in everything. There is a children’s song in Hebrew: “G-d is here and there, and He is all around!”
But if a child is still little and has many nighttime fears, under no circumstances should you tell him, “He is here, but you cannot see Him.”
For us, the word “everywhere” obviously means that if He is “everywhere,” then He is here too. For a child, this is not obvious at all. “Everywhere” is something you know. But if He is here and you cannot see Him, and then they put you to bed and leave the room, Someone Invisible is left here, and who knows who that is. And you are still little, while this Invisible One is here and everywhere. And it is impossible to hide from Him even under the blanket!
The central principle of our entire approach to raising children is this: all ideas about the Almighty must be formed only through positive associations.
"Why Do Pain and Evildoers Exist?"
One mother recounted: “When my younger child fell ill, the older one asked, ‘Why is the baby crying?’ ‘Because he is in pain.’ ‘Why did the Almighty make it so that he is in pain?’ I replied that the Almighty wanted him to learn to overcome difficulties. For him, that was a good answer.”
You know your child; you have a feel for how to speak to him and what to say.
The basic idea is this: a child must be sure that G-d loves him, that the Almighty is good, that He is goodness. With small children, we do not discuss punishment at all.
We have already discussed how to answer when a child asks why evil, thieves, and murderers exist. A wonderful opportunity opens up before us to tell the child several important things. One is that every person has free will. And free will is a very, very important subject. As early as possible, we should help a child understand that he makes choices, and that the people he is asking about make choices too.
The Almighty gave them life, He gave them strength and abilities, He gave them the opportunity to choose between good and bad, and they made their own choice. Unfortunately, a person can choose what is bad. But fortunately, a person can also change for the better.
To be continued