Rabbi Chaim Friedlander
Child-rearing in the early years is divided into three stages.
The first stage is teaching derech eretz and good character traits. Derech eretz is the foundation for putting the Torah into practice, as our Sages said: “Derech eretz preceded the Torah” (Vayikra Rabbah, 7,9). From this we learn that there is such a stage—one that precedes the Torah.
This stage of upbringing begins the moment a child is born. This is not yet teaching Torah and mitzvot themselves, but creating the necessary foundation on which a Torah way of life and the observance of mitzvot will later be built.
The second stage, at a somewhat older age, is developing habits in the child connected with performing specific mitzvot, when it is not yet possible to explain abstract concepts to him or teach him to perform mitzvot with deep understanding.
The third stage is instilling spiritual values in his soul. When a child reaches the appropriate level of understanding, one must instill in him values whose essence is a conscious approach to observing the laws of the Torah and fear of G-d.
The sequence of stages presented here is not absolute.
One should not assume that once a particular stage begins, the previous one ends, or that all of them are confined to the age at which we are obligated to educate a child. Even when a person attains a high level of understanding, he must continually work on educating himself. And so it continues into old age, for the higher a person rises spiritually, the more he strives to acquire awe of Heaven. Thus, the division into stages presented here is intended only to explain their nature.