Our Speech - Building on Ruins

We, the builders of a Jewish home, must be very good engineers, carefully considering our words and actions. Then we will truly be able to build.

Building can also take place on ruins—a person in despair, sunk in melancholy, for whom nothing is going right, suddenly hears words of approval and support, even unintentionally—and it works.

Let me give an example. The father in one family has recently been plagued by setbacks. Everything he undertakes falls through, his finances are dwindling, and he has neither energy nor high spirits. Then suddenly he hears his wife and son talking in the kitchen:

– Mom!

– Quiet, don't shout, Dad is resting.

– But I was just going to ask him…

– Not now. Dad is tired. He is doing such important work, and it has worn him out. We must appreciate him for everything he does for us. So please be quieter and let Dad get the sleep he needs.

Of course, Dad will be pleased to hear how important and needed he is in the family. And it is all the more pleasing because he overheard this conversation by chance. Children enjoy receiving a kind word from a parent no less than adults do. And it affects them the way life-giving moisture affects a plant in the desert.

Besides speaking ill of others and using hurtful words, what other kinds of speech can have a destructive effect on a family?

We must be very careful to avoid abusive language and curses. It is written in the Gemara (Megillah, 15a): “Do not let a curse (from) an ordinary (person) seem insignificant to you, for Abimelech cursed Sarah (Genesis, 20:16): ‘Behold, this is a covering for your eyes,’ and it was fulfilled in her descendants (Genesis, 27:1): ‘And it came to pass, when Isaac was old and his eyes grew dim, (he could not) see…’”

Our Sages write that words have the power to build and destroy, even if a person did not mean what they said.

How many such stories we know! Our great teachers, whose every blessing is worth its weight in gold, did not speak idly. But even an ordinary person must think about what escapes their lips. No word disappears. A Jew cannot say: “Pay no attention! I only said it offhand.” For us, nothing is “offhand.” We do not feel or recognize this, but from the “Zohar,” from Kabbalah, we know that every word spoken has its own power. In a fit of anger, people often say something like: “I wish he would just disappear from this house! I never want to see him!” And when that happens, they do not know what to do with themselves, so great is their regret.

The same is written about blessings (Megillah, ibid.): “Do not let a blessing (from) an ordinary (person) seem insignificant to you, for two great men of their generation were blessed by ordinary people—and the blessings were fulfilled. These two were (King) David and (the prophet) Daniel. David was blessed by Araunah, as it is written (2 Samuel, 24:23): ‘…And Araunah said to the king: May the L-rd your G-d look favorably upon you.’ And Daniel was blessed by Darius, as it is written (Daniel, 6:17): ‘Your G-d, whom you serve continually, He will save you!’”

And as it is written in Proverbs (22:9): “The generous (tov ayin) will be blessed, for he gives some of his bread to the poor.” This translation conveys the meaning correctly, but if we take the words literally, we read: “One who has a good eye will be blessed.” “One who has a good eye” refers to the kohanim, because they always look upon the people of Israel with love. The kohanim have a wonderful quality, evident in the fact that their blessings are fulfilled.

But not only the kohanim—everyone should strive to be among those who bless, rather than among those who curse.

to be continued

Prepared by: Mrs. Zissi Skarzhinskaya