Rabbi Simcha Cohen
We can observe a difference in how husbands and wives react when one spouse feels deeply hurt by the other.
When a husband feels hurt by his wife, he withdraws into his feelings and often considers it legitimate and normal to stop doing his share of the housework for a time. After all, he sees himself as a volunteer, and if his wife has insulted him, he feels entitled to withdraw from household responsibilities until he receives redress.
The wife, however, continues doing the housework even though her feelings may have been hurt more deeply and intensely than her husband's, because she regards it as her duty, and hurt feelings, however painful, do not justify ceasing to fulfill her responsibilities.
This difference between spouses can already be seen during an argument or quarrel.
When a wife is angry with her husband, the angrier she becomes, the more she says and the louder her voice grows. The husband, meanwhile, may shut down: fall silent, leave the room or even go for a walk to “get some air.” Silence, ignoring her or leaving the room during an argument are actions that reject partnership, and he should avoid them, since they make his wife even angrier.
After all, it is precisely now, during a quarrel that creates a sense of disconnection, that she needs to feel their partnership even more strongly. But he, because he is not psychologically oriented toward partnership, is sure he is taking the right step: temporarily distancing himself from her to ease the tension in the home.
Another difference between men and women, probably also related to women's inclination toward partnership, appears when both have hurt each other's feelings.
The Talmud (Niddah 31) mentions that a man reconciles and forgives more quickly than a woman. This is symbolic: man was created from the dust of the earth—soft and pliable—while woman was created from Adam's firmer flesh and bone…
In fact, when we examine how men and women behave after both have hurt each other's feelings, we find that even if a woman is ready to reconcile, she needs more time to change her behavior from hostile to loving; a man, meanwhile, can behave in a friendly manner outwardly even if he continues to feel angry inside for longer.
During a quarrel, emotional distance develops between husband and wife. Reconciliation means reconnecting and bringing their feelings together. A wife's bond with her husband is stronger than a husband's tenuous bond with his wife. A woman therefore needs more time to move from emotional distance to heartfelt closeness.