Rabbi Simcha Cohen
The difference in the degree of emotional partnership between husband and wife causes many difficulties in their relationship.
A wife has a strong need to describe and tell her husband about her problems, thereby involving him emotionally and drawing him closer to her. But the husband, as a rule, does not like to let his wife in on his problems, because his inclination toward partnership is less pronounced.
A husband should therefore realize that his wife’s conversations about her problems stem from a strong sense of connection, rather than from selfishness, as many believe—that supposedly all her thoughts revolve around herself and her problems, and she shows no consideration for him by telling him about her problems when he has enough of his own.
It should be noted that the more attached a woman is to her husband, and the more she feels his love and is confident of it, the more inclined she is to let him in on her problems and difficulties.
Many women say that they feel attachment and love when they “burden” their husbands with their problems. It follows that a woman sees “burdening” another person with her problems as an expression of a strong bond, which is why she is often hurt when her husband does not let her in on his concerns.
In her view, this proves that he does not love her or trust her, while her husband is certain that it proves precisely how much he loves and protects her: he wants her to be in a good mood, unspoiled by negativity, and it is certainly not because he does not see her as a faithful partner in life.
The wonderful feeling a woman experiences when telling her husband about her problems, together with the emotional difficulty her husband experiences in listening to them, represents one of the strongest expressions of the contradictions between men’s and women’s feelings.