Rebbetzin Esther Offengenden
Love is a fascinating concept. Every woman wants to love and be loved. But why are some people loved, while others have never known what that is? How does love work? How does this feeling arise, and where does it suddenly disappear to?
Let's talk about the first aspect of love, which forms the basis for solving many of the problems that prevent a person from feeling happy. I am talking about loving and respecting oneself, about accepting oneself.
From the perspective of Jewish philosophy, nothing is more natural or simpler than loving yourself. It seems that everyone understands what it means to love a person. You would not mistreat someone you love, drive them to illness, or rejoice when they are struggling. On the contrary, you would try to do nice things for them, care for them, look after their health, and so on. Yet experience shows that many people behave differently toward themselves…
- I just can't go on anymore… I'm dead on my feet… No one understands how hard it is for me…
- I come home from work completely exhausted and immediately start cooking and cleaning. I think, that's it… I'm going to collapse. But it has to be done, so it has to be done… I can't allow myself to rest…
By the way, think about it: what can't you allow yourself?
Such familiar and truthful words. We belong to a generation of women achievers who, in addition to raising children and running a household, have shouldered a full working day as well. It is not easy for us. That is true. But notice the tone women use when speaking about their difficulties and their total exhaustion. The main feeling that comes through in their words is pride.
I have heard the remarks quoted above several times from seriously ill women. They used them to explain why they had not attended to their health in time. Their approach proves once again that a human being is not an animal. Ramchal says that an animal's instinct for self-preservation always kicks in at the right time. Every living creature behaves cautiously and tries not to harm itself. But a person, trying to rise above this, moves through life “like a blind man above an abyss.”
Rabbi Amnon Yitzchak once said that it is still very much an open question whose life is better—a cat's, for example, or a human being's. A cat has no problems with money, dieting, or fashion. (Cats in boots exist only in fairy tales!) And no one has ever met a depressed cat or a cat that is terribly dissatisfied with itself.
Pele Yoetz writes: “Loving oneself is natural for a person; this is how the Almighty created him.
A person has no one closer than himself; he naturally loves himself more than anyone or anything else in the world. If he is threatened with death, he is ready to do anything to save himself.
But there is a terrible illness in which a person becomes as though drunk and harms himself, - he stops loving himself. This harms both his body and his soul.”
In other words, according to Pele Yoetz, not loving yourself, not caring for yourself, and not accepting yourself are unnatural. This state is like an illness that destroys the foundation of human nature.
To be continued