Rebbetzin Esther Offengenden
Love is hidden in the corners of the soul. There is no one who has not had an hour of love. Rabbi Aharon of Karlin
So, let us talk about love.
We have already discussed communication and acceptance of those close to us, housekeeping and the order of our priorities, and even— self-love. It is time to talk about what matters most, about what we live for—love between people!
Perhaps it does not exist at all? Psychology, for example, hardly ever discusses how to achieve love within the family. Far from it… If only we could teach partners to get along in marriage!!! The Torah, by contrast, regards love as one of the most important aspects of the union between a man and a woman.
In any case, love is a very interesting subject. So much has been said about it! But the question remains: where is it hiding?
... Sunset. The seashore. Two people run toward each other, as though in a slow-motion film…
But what are we to do if life is not always a seashore, and we often react to each other far too quickly? And after yet another failure, we sit and wonder:
– Does love even exist, and what is it, anyway?
Let us not despair! Let us turn to the experts.
"I love you! – Alexander Pushkin wrote to Anna Kern. And he immediately explained what that meant – I pine, I lie awake at night… but if you are happy without me... if you live – I despise you, do you hear me, despise you!"
I see. According to Pushkin, love is suffering, and indifference is merriment. Indifference is life, while love, accordingly, is death...
And here is the view of A. Lowen, one of the founders of the theory of bioenergetic analysis: “Love is an intensification of the body's sense of well-being.”
...Excuse me, we just said love was death, and now it is good for your health?!
Eric Berne defines loving as ceasing to be guided by banal common sense... it resembles a radiance that can be seen by taking LSD. But human relationships are better than drugs—they are a reality that gives rise to adventures without the use of poison. In other words, according to Berne, love is neither life nor death, but a thrill we can occasionally indulge in. The main thing is not to get hooked.
Among the many aphorisms about love that I have collected, there is a “winner.”
This is the phrase that most of my listeners chose as the definition of true love. Here it is:
- You must provide security, attention, warmth, and the assurance that you will be together forever… In return, you will receive endless attachment, admiration, and loyalty—love.
Where do you think this quotation comes from? Brace yourselves. It is from a dog-training manual.
So, you will say, does loving mean turning into an animal? Losing yourself?..
But do not rush. Think about what feelings arise in you when the word “love” is spoken. What associations come to mind? What scenes flash before your eyes?
If we could trace the chains of associations that run through your mind when you think about love, about the lack of it in your life, when you doubt whether your dream is attainable, whether your ideal is real, how much apprehension—and perhaps even fear—would emerge...
In a sense, fear of love lies at the origins of Greco-Roman civilization. For example, the ancient Greeks considered love an illness whose possible consequences included madness and... death.
Christianity made the question of allowing ourselves to love even more confusing. Lofty love is beautiful, while physical love is a sin. But how can the two be separated?
In Jewish tradition, the attitude toward love is optimistic. Everyone needs love. It is precisely on the foundation of love that a person builds relationships with other people and with G-d.
To be continued