The Power of Prayer - Habituation and How to Avoid It

One of my younger sons was studying Tehillim in cheder—Psalm 119, which has eight verses for each letter of the Hebrew alphabet. It was difficult for the boys, because they do not yet read very fluently, and the text is very complex, so at the end the rebbe held a festive morning celebration as a reward for their hard work.

That same week, on Friday, I took him with me to the Western Wall (remember, we discussed how a mother needs to show her child how much she values his learning). I prayed Minchah, while my son sat and read Tehillim with concentration (his Psalm 119). We went into Minharot HaKotel (the Western Wall tunnel), where there are fewer people and it is quieter. It was amazing to watch a child sitting and reading without getting distracted, oblivious to everything around him.

When we adults read Tehillim, we cannot read for 40 minutes without getting distracted. Why is it difficult for us to feel the same absorption in Psalms or prayer as a child? After all, he reads several times more slowly than we do, so it is harder for him, yet he does not give up. He is immersed in reading—nothing can draw him away from the book.

The reason is simple: mitzvat anashim melumadah, a mitzvah learned by rote is performed automatically.

We can become accustomed to even the most amazing thing. A favorite food can grow tiresome; a close friend can become boring. Something that strongly attracts us while it is new becomes stale and off-putting when it is repeated every day, especially when it is an obligation. At some point, the process begins to resemble taking bitter medicine: we know we “have to,” wrinkle our noses, and swallow—just to get it over with as quickly as possible. Is this what our prayer should be like? Not at all. And our goal is to keep it from becoming that way.

The Almighty created the world in such a way that we do not clearly see His presence. The word for “world,” olam, comes from the word ne'elam, “concealment.” The L-rd hides from us behind natural phenomena and natural processes. Habituation is a natural process, and here we need to go against nature. This is a test of our faith: to see Him where we must see with our hearts rather than our eyes. He is with us and hears our prayer.

A Few Tips for Avoiding Habituation

1. Before praying, we need to pause and think for a few moments: what am I about to do? I will stand before the King of kings, before the Sovereign whose power is unsurpassed. During this audience, I will be able to ask for what matters most to me and my loved ones, for health and a speedy recovery… The King graciously permits me to stand before Him and ask; He invites me—gives me a chance to address Him personally as “You,” since in prayer we address the Almighty with “Baruch Atah,” “Blessed are You.”
2. We need to wage war against our evil inclination. “For with cunning (a carefully planned strategy) you shall wage your war, and salvation lies in a multitude of advisers” (Proverbs, 24:6). Many commentators understand this as referring to the war against the yetzer hara. We can defeat it with a carefully planned strategy. Who are the advisers who will help us in our war against it? Books on mussar. And what tactics do we have for countering the interference of the evil inclination? Praying with heart and soul. For example, if we get distracted while praying in the living room at home—with children around and plenty of noise—it is worth setting up a place for prayer in another room and perhaps locking its door.
3. We should not pray at the most hectic time of day, but find a relatively quiet time for it. The Book of Esther contains this verse (9:25): “And when (Esther) came before the king, he commanded in writing: let the evil scheme (of Haman), which he had devised against the Jews, return upon his own head!..” The words of this verse, “im hasefer yashuv machashavto hara'ah,” can also be read differently: “… with a book, he will turn back (from) his own evil thoughts.” In other words, by looking at the book, at the text of the siddur, at the letters, a person is less likely to be distracted from prayer by unrelated thoughts.
4. Our ears need to hear what we are whispering. This is neither praying aloud nor praying silently. In this way, we will keep ourselves from straying from the text—our ears will keep us from doing so. We will not find ourselves thinking about one thing while our lips say another.

Another good suggestion is to add our own requests related to the subject of the blessing within each of the middle blessings of the Shemoneh Esrei (“Refa'einu,” “Chonen HaDa'at,” “Hashiveinu LeToratecha,” and so on).

When it is not just a text from our Sages, but also our own words, it becomes personally relevant to us, and we are less distracted.

Additional places for our requests are “Shema Koleinu” and before “Yihyu Leratzon” at the end of the prayer—any requests may be inserted here.

to be continued

Prepared by: Mrs. Zissi Skarzhinskaya