Where does a Jewish family begin? Where does building a Jewish home begin?
Anyone who has ever attended a Jewish wedding knows that special blessings, the “sheva brachot,” are recited at it (and during the seven days that follow). Hidden within them is a special meaning that forms the foundation for building a complete Jewish home.
What is a home? Not a building, but a family. When we speak of a home, on the one hand, we picture a complex system whose creation requires thought and a certain degree of expertise. On the other hand, it is something simple, comfortable for us, and readily tangible.
A home appears simple, but consists of many parts joined together by complex laws. Similarly, the relationship between husband and wife should also be simple.
Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe used to say: to create a good home (a family), we need to understand the full complexity and many facets of this concept… and use that understanding to create something simple and clear. A mosaic, viewed as separate pieces, is very complicated. But as soon as they are put together, a simple, clear picture emerges. This is what one of the seven wedding blessings says: “Who created man… and built from his own flesh an everlasting edifice”.
Another blessing says: “Grant joy to those who love one another, as You once brought joy in Gan Eden to the one You created (man)”.
For her husband, a wife represents part of the complete and everlasting structure they must build together.
To fulfill the task of continuing the human line in its fullest sense, a person needs three generations. All creatures on earth other than humans have only two generations—parents and children. Only humans have a third generation—grandparents. Thus, the third generation is what elevates the human being, providing the fundamental spiritual distinction from the animal world.
And for a husband, his wife represents the first step toward this spirituality.
What is meant by “as You once brought joy in Gan Eden”? What time does this refer to? The time before the first sin. But how can it be brought back?! The sin has already occurred—why ask for something that cannot be restored? Yet in the seven wedding blessings we ask the Creator to return us to precisely that state of unity and joy.
Both of these blessings—about an “everlasting edifice” and “joy in Gan Eden before the sin”—tell us that building a family is a very complex process, grounded in concepts belonging to the highest spiritual realms, complex and difficult to grasp. Yet all these concepts find expression in family life in a very simple and accessible form. Saying “good morning” and “good night,” looking after the home, caring for the children. All this is simple and clear to everyone. This is what a Jewish home should look like: lofty spiritual concepts underlie simple, straightforward actions and words.