Many rightly believe that peace in the home is a state in which everything is quiet and calm.
In the Shemoneh Esrei prayer, we ask the Almighty: “Grant peace (sim shalom), goodness, and blessing… Blessed are You, L-rd, who blesses His people, Israel, with peace (ba-shalom).” Why does this blessing begin and end the same way? Is it speaking of the same peace?
There is shalom as the foundation of existence, and there is shalom as a goal.
The first “peace” is tranquility. Everyone wants things to go well: to get up in the morning without physical or emotional pain and to fall asleep the same way in the evening. There should be food in the refrigerator, the neighbors should not make us angry, and the boss should be calm and patient. A husband should not irritate his wife, nor a wife her husband. We want to leave home calmly, without running after a bus or worrying about an overdrawn bank account… That is a peaceful life.
But this is not the “peace” spoken of at the end of the blessing. We want the Creator to look upon His people and smile at us! We want His rule to become open and evident now, during this period of hester panim, the most profound concealment of His Face, as it was in the days of Mordechai and Esther. The people of Israel ask the Creator for open and manifest providence. This is what we ask when we say: “Bless us all with the light of Your countenance.” And following this, Torah, selfless love, justice and blessing, life and peace should reign among our people.
Such peace is more than tranquility and the absence of strife. It is the peace of spiritual perfection, the peace of closeness to the Almighty.
We study Torah and fulfill its commandments, but to feel truly fulfilled by them, we must rise to another, more elevated level. If we observe the holy Shabbat merely to rest and meet friends, this is called “getting through Shabbat,” rather than observing it fully. The great Rebbe of Slonim said that some people observe Shabbat so as not to violate it, while others sanctify Shabbat.
Similarly, a Jewish home is more than a place where everything is quiet and calm, where there is no strife or conflict.
Such a situation is certainly good in itself. But it is not enough. An ideal Jewish home is one in which the husband and wife have merited the presence of the Shechinah. The Divine Presence in the home is not some incomprehensible feeling. It is visible and tangible. It is a special, elevated atmosphere that fills literally every action, every corner of the home. When husband and wife attain this state, the words of the sheva brachot are fulfilled: “love and brotherhood, peace and friendship.”