Basya Tsybukmakher
What Is Modesty?
If we turn to the original source, we will see how much importance the Torah places on modesty, which is described by such terms as tzniut (tzniyut) and anavah. A modern, “liberated” person may find it surprising that the Almighty calls modesty an essential quality for acquiring Torah! Not knowledge, not wisdom, not even holiness—no, the greatest prophet of all time, the teacher of the entire Jewish people, Moses, is called ish anav – a humble man! According to the Torah, modest behavior is not merely a welcome addition to other virtues; no, it is the foundation on which the edifice of human personality is built, without which divine wisdom cannot be grasped.
But if we conducted an experiment, how many of those we spoke to (men or women) do you think would grimace at the word “modesty,” as if biting into an unripe apple that sets their teeth on edge? Why does this word provoke such a reaction? What kind of sweeping influence is being exerted on our feelings that every thought and discussion of modesty is seen as something old-fashioned and irrelevant to the generation in which we live!
Our society disapproves of modesty. Today’s ideal is to speak about everything people once kept silent about and show everything that used to be covered up. Bringing relations between the sexes into public discussion and, beyond that, displaying them everywhere—in films, on television, in magazines… using them in advertising, along with women’s (and men’s) bodies—all of this devalues what is most precious to us. As a result, our feelings have become coarsened. We neither recognize nor feel the tremendous potential within the relationship between a man and a woman. These relationships, which the Torah uses as a metaphor for the union between the Almighty and His people and for the purest and holiest impulses, are reduced to an animal level. The same applies to women’s beauty and dignity: what was once admired and valued is now seen, at best, as a commodity… one that we do not cherish but squander left and right. Any attempt to keep even something out of the public eye is stigmatized and ridiculed as backwardness.
Tzniut, as the Torah understands it, is more than external laws and rules: it is the outward expression of a person’s inner state. Tzniut is not a restriction imposed on women—in Judaism, modesty is absolutely essential for men as well!
Modesty—A Perennial “Sore Subject”
When modesty (tzniut, tzniyut) is mentioned, we automatically think of clothing. The stereotype that modesty means covered hair, stockings, long skirts, and long sleeves is very widespread; moreover, for many people it is literally like “a red rag to a bull.” In fact, clothing is only one aspect of modesty. What the Torah calls “tzniut” encompasses every aspect of human life. True modesty is expressed in how a person moves and eats, how they speak and think, how they acquire the wisdom of Torah, and in their behavior and character… If a person believes they are more important and significant than someone else, their thinking lacks modesty. If we feel superior when speaking to others, that is immodest. Modesty is expressed not only in our actions but also in how we perform them—you will agree that the very same good deed can be done with fanfare and music, to the applause of enthusiastic spectators, or entirely unnoticed… And, in the words of the Sages, “a blessing rests only on a good deed hidden from view”—the less people know about our good deeds, the more good can actually come of them. An unfamiliar thought in our age of all-powerful, all-encompassing PR!
Modesty in a Generation “With the Face of a Dog”?
The era in which we live is called the “heels of Mashiach” and is described by the prophets as a “generation with the face of a dog.” One explanation of this comparison is that the leaders of this generation will be concerned with their own popularity, constantly acting while “looking back” at the crowd, much as a dog running ahead of its owner keeps looking back. Another explanation is that the generation will be shameless, so that its “face” can be compared not even to a human face but to a “dog’s muzzle.” Sounds like our reality, doesn’t it?
Modern culture (especially what is called Western culture) is built, to a greater or lesser extent, on various expressions of immodest behavior. And we are not talking here about such obvious things as putting a naked woman’s body on display… It goes much deeper, because, as already noted, modesty is behavior that flows from inner qualities and is rooted in the refinement of our souls… But inner refinement and restraint are now “out of fashion”! Literature, art, theater and cinema, the press and mass media, manners and fashions all convince us of the opposite: in a world where the flood of information is overwhelming, attracting attention to yourself is the supreme value! Any means will do. Anything that helps attract attention will be applauded and made into an object of worship… If we analyze modern values, this becomes obvious. But worst of all, we hardly notice the lack of modesty anymore and are not troubled by it at all.
At the beginning of the twentieth century, a turbulent era full of “discoveries,” the Chafetz Chaim, a great sage of recent generations, warned his contemporaries about the danger of neglecting modesty. In King David’s Psalms, the Almighty is called the Guardian who protects the Jewish people: “Behold, the Guardian of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps; the L-rd is your Guardian” (Psalms 121:4-5). The Chafetz Chaim asked: On what terms does He protect us—for free or for payment? Jewish law distinguishes between these two situations: if you pay a guardian for safekeeping, he bears full responsibility for what he guards. But if someone undertakes safekeeping voluntarily and without compensation, his responsibility is considerably less…
Since we do not pay the Almighty for protection, His care for our safety is conditional. The text of the Pentateuch, the Torah, reveals the condition: “For the L-rd your G-d walks in the midst of your camp, saving you…; let your camp therefore be holy, so that He sees nothing indecent among you and does not turn away from you” (Deuteronomy, 23:15). This is the condition: when the Almighty notices something immodest, He stops protecting us —and then we are in great danger!
In the Chafetz Chaim’s day, even nonreligious women (and men) dressed and behaved considerably more modestly than is customary today. All the more so, we should take care that the Guardian of Israel does not withdraw His protection. Our very existence may be threatened… We must not forget the instructions and definitions given to our people in the Torah: you shall be to Me a holy people, nor the three qualities that characterize our people: rachmanim, baishanim, gomlei chasadim (compassionate, bashful, and doers of acts of kindness). We are all sons and daughters of the King, and our entire lives—our speech, actions, inner world, and appearance—must be filled with royal dignity and tzniut, inner modesty.
What About Self-Expression?
Oh, those two idols of modern life—self-expression and self-fulfillment… How can I dress in kosher clothing? a woman wonders. What about my self-expression?! Let us listen closely to this word: self-expression, the outward expression of oneself, of one’s inner substance… What is most important for this? Surely, having something to express, having something within?
What Is Inner Beauty
Jewish women have always been distinguished by something that stirred both hearts and minds—an elusive yet undeniable charm, a special allure… That very inner beauty that lights up a woman’s face from within and makes her beautiful regardless of her facial features or figure, inspiring admiration and a desire to be in her company.
It is for good reason that the Torah tells us our great and holy matriarchs were all extraordinarily beautiful! The greatest kings of their time wished to become their husbands, and everyone around them remarked on their remarkable beauty. Yet the husband of our matriarch Sarah, the sage and prophet Abraham, discovered her beauty “by chance,” seeing the reflection of her face in the river as they crossed… We read a similar story about our matriarch Rebecca: Abimelech, king of Gerar, intended to marry her because of her beauty. Yet of her husband, our patriarch Isaac, it is written that he first “brought Rebecca into his mother’s tent,” then “took her as his wife,” and only afterward, “and he loved her”… Why, then, was he not “dazzled” by her beauty? Could it be that neither Abraham nor Isaac saw their wives’ beauty?
It seems that the reason lay elsewhere: the patriarchs valued in their wives not outward attractiveness but the inner beauty that so clearly distinguished them! Abraham valued his wife’s righteousness, selflessness, holiness, and modesty, and it was precisely these qualities that illuminated her with such an otherworldly light that people around her said, “Such a beauty is fit only for a king”…
Sarah’s inner beauty gave rise to her outward beauty, but the latter was merely the result of her radiant soul… Abraham valued the cause. Isaac, too, only “loved” Rebecca once he saw that her qualities and deeds were truly like those of his mother—he loved her for her inner beauty… Whereas Abimelech saw only the imprint of that inner light on her outward appearance.
Beauty is highly subjective, yet it undoubtedly exists.
True beauty is chen, a special charm—the quality through which Joseph, the son of Rachel and Jacob, “enchanted” people and drew them to him. As you might guess, this charm, too, sprang from inner beauty—a special purity of soul expressed in his modesty. This was the secret of the beauty he had inherited from his mother.
True beauty is the expression of the special inner refinement characteristic of a Jewish woman—a daughter of the King.
This inner refinement distinguished Rachel, and it was precisely why she could restrain herself and refrain from answering reproaches directed at her… Rachel’s modesty and selflessness were rewarded with descendants who embodied this royal dignity: Joseph, king of all Egypt, and a descendant of her second son, Benjamin—the first Jewish king, Saul. Yet the chain does not end there! King Saul possessed extraordinary inner purity and perfection, which also showed outwardly in his modest behavior. This modesty, in turn, was passed down through the chain to a descendant of Saul’s royal line, Queen Esther.
Esther, or Hadassah, as she was called in Hebrew (whose deeds were beautiful and pleasant like fragrant myrtle, hadassim), is a model of modesty. When a nationwide beauty contest for the title of queen is announced, Esther does not rush to show herself; on the contrary, she hides deep within her home… Yet they find her even there, take her to the palace, and… The Scroll of Esther describes these events as follows: “And Esther found favor in the eyes of everyone who saw her.” They even gave her the Persian name Esther—estear, saar—“moon”… which, at the same time, means “I will hide” in the Holy Tongue. She made no attempt to put herself on display, but the beauty of soul hidden within her shone through like a radiance—everyone who met Esther felt a special fondness for her, as a result of the kindness she brought to people, making them feel valued and needed in her presence… When the king’s servants ask about her origins, Esther remains silent, although she has nothing to be ashamed of: she is a descendant of a royal family and could significantly improve her “status” at court with just a couple of words… And what is Esther’s reward for her modesty? The continued existence of the entire Jewish people! An entire people was spared destruction thanks to one woman, whose modesty and restraint gave rise to salvation and deliverance.
When we grasp this secret—the secret of true beauty—and understand the tremendous influence modest behavior has on the fate of every woman as well as on the fate of the Jewish people, we can try to understand the Jewish ideal of beauty.