The Mishnah [1] says: “Rabbi Shimon ben Halafta said: The Holy One, blessed be He, found no vessel that holds blessings for Israel [more securely] than peace, as it is said: ‘The L-rd will give strength to His people; the L-rd will bless His people with peace’” [2].
The foundation of true peace lies within each person. Only when every Jew lives at peace with himself, in love and fellowship with the members of his household, can there be peace and unity among the people of Israel. This is one reason why, at the end of Kaddish, we ask the Almighty to grant us peace: “May lasting peace and life be granted from Heaven to us and to all Israel!” Immediately afterward, we repeat this request: “May He Who makes peace in His heights send peace to us and to all Israel.” First and foremost, peace must be established in the soul of each individual person; only then can it become possible throughout that person's surroundings.
The Jerusalem Talmud [3] tells us how much importance Rabbi Meir [4] attached to peace between husband and wife. One Shabbat evening, his customary address in the synagogue to those gathered for prayer went on for so long that one of the women listening returned home so late that the Shabbat candles had already gone out. When her husband learned what had delayed her, he demanded that she spit in Rabbi Meir's face; otherwise, he would not let her into the house. The righteous woman refused to humiliate the rabbi in this way. When Rabbi Meir learned that he had become the cause of a quarrel, he pretended that his eye hurt. He asked the woman to spit on his eye seven times—supposedly, this would cure him. The woman did as he asked, and the rabbi then told her: “Go home and tell your husband that you spat not once, but seven times!” The woman's husband was clearly in the wrong, and Rabbi Meir had the authority to make him let his wife into the house. But Rabbi Meir preferred to endure humiliation in order to restore peace between husband and wife [5].
Rabbi Meir also pointed out to us that the Hebrew words “ish” (man) and “ishah” (woman) share two letters: “aleph” and “shin,” which form the word “esh” (fire). The remaining letters of these two words, “yud” and “hei,” form the Name of the Almighty. From this, Rabbi Meir concluded: if husband and wife (“ish” and “ishah”) are worthy, the Divine Presence dwells between them. If they are not worthy, the Divine Presence leaves them. Without the letter “yud,” the word “ish” becomes “esh”—fire. The same happens to the word “ishah” without the letter “hei.” And this double fire devours the couple [6].
It is said of Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach[7], may the memory of the righteous be a blessing, that he treated people with great consideration, taking care never to offend anyone's dignity, especially that of the members of his own household. Once, someone saw Rav Auerbach straightening his clothes and making himself presentable before entering his own home, and was surprised. Noticing his surprise, the rav explained his actions: “After all, it is said: if husband and wife are worthy — among them dwells the Divine Presence. I am about to enter a place where the Divine Presence dwells, so I am making myself presentable beforehand…”.
[1] Mishnah, Uktzin, 3:12. The Mishnah is the first written record of the Oral Law given to the Jews at Mount Sinai.
[2] Tehillim, 29:11. Tehillim—the Psalms of King David.
[3] For more details, see: Jerusalem Talmud, tractate Sotah 1, 4.
[4] Rabbi Meir lived in Eretz Yisrael about 1900 years ago. He was a student of Rabbi Yishmael and Rabbi Akiva.
[5] Rabbi Meir explained to his students that the Almighty Himself allows His holy Name to be erased from parchment in a special procedure necessary to restore peace between husband and wife. See Bamidbar, 5:23, tractate Derech Eretz (the section on Peace, halachah 9) and the Talmud, tractate Sukkah, 53b.
[6] Pesikta Zutra, Bereishit, 2, and also tractate Sotah, 19a.
[7] Born in Jerusalem at the beginning of the 20th century. For many years, he headed the Kol Torah yeshiva in Jerusalem. He died in 1995.