Jewish Sages on Family Life
There is no need to say much about not allowing anger to intrude into family life even in the slightest. This is common knowledge. Everyone knows from personal experience how ugly and destructive anger is. Both in human relationships in general and in family relationships in particular. Family life suffers tremendous harm when spouses allow themselves to display anger and a lack of restraint. Our Sages spoke at length about the harm caused by anger.
“ Rabbi Shmuel bar Nachmani said in the name of Rabbi Yochanan: ‘Whoever becomes angry—all forms of Gehinnom hold sway over him.’”[1].
Regarding married life, Rambam cites the Sages’ instruction: “And he should not create an atmosphere of fear in the home, and his conversations with members of his household should be calm, and he should not be gloomy or irritable”[2].
These instructions are addressed not only to the husband; they apply to both spouses. Our guiding principle should be the advice of the wisest of men, King Solomon, which may be paraphrased as follows: “The words of the wise are heard when spoken calmly”[3].
[1] Tractate Nedarim, 22a.
[2] Rambam. Mishneh Torah, Laws of Marriage, 15:19. Rambam—Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon (Maimonides)—was born in Cordoba, Spain. Rambam was one of the foremost Jewish Torah authorities. He served as personal physician to the king of Egypt and his family. He died in Egypt in 1204. He is buried in Tiberias, Eretz Yisrael.
[3] Kohelet, 9:17.