Arguments and Disagreements
18. The Sages taught: “The world cannot endure without people who are able to remain silent during a quarrel.” There is even an opinion that the Torah forbids answering or reacting in any way during a quarrel. In general, one must take great care to avoid the flames of conflict, which consume everything in their path.
**** A hundred years ago, there was such a thing as “washday.” It was a difficult day. There were no washing machines or special detergents back then—everything was washed by hand.
On one such day, a woman finished doing the laundry and hung the wet washing on lines strung across the courtyard.
Her neighbor thought the drying clothes were blocking the way. She became angry and, without a second thought, cut all the lines. The clean laundry fell to the ground.
As soon as the woman saw what her neighbor had done, she opened her mouth to say exactly what she thought of such a terrible act. However, she managed to restrain herself and avoid starting a quarrel. She silently gathered up all the clothes and went to wash them again. Afterward, to avoid another conflict, she went to the next neighborhood (!) and hung the laundry there.
Her husband returned that evening, but even then she restrained herself and told him nothing. It was far from easy to keep everything to herself and not share it even with someone close to her. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Her neighbor stood on the doorstep in tears: “Please forgive me!” she pleaded. “God has already punished me—my little boy is ill, and he has a high fever!” The righteous woman immediately said that she forgave her and wished the boy a speedy recovery.
It should be mentioned that this couple had no children. Not long afterward, the happy moment that she and her husband had awaited for so many years arrived. They had a son. And what a son! This remarkable woman became the mother of Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv—the leader of his generation.
19. To avoid quarrels and conflicts, it is permissible (and sometimes even obligatory) to conceal certain things or even tell a lie (for more details, see chapter 18)