Disputes and Disagreements
4. A wife should follow the traditions and customs observed by her husband.
5. Someone who travels to another city or country should not violate the laws observed in that region. If they are there for only a short time, they should also adhere to the traditions of their own city.
Even if the law does not prohibit a particular action, but the people in that place are stricter and refrain from it, having established an additional safeguard around the law for themselves, one should not behave differently in their presence.
**** Rabbi Avraham Mordechai Alter (the Gerrer Rebbe, author of Imrei Emes) told the following parable. There was once a wealthy Jew. He had two daughters. The daughters married and settled near their father. He helped them in every way he could, and his children very often shared meals with him. When his sons-in-law came for lunch, they sat separately, because one of them ate dairy products and the other ate meat. After a while, the father's income fell sharply, and he could no longer feed them either meat or cheese. Bread and water were served for lunch. Suddenly, the father noticed that his sons-in-law were still sitting in different corners, even though there was neither meat nor dairy on the table. He approached them and said, “All right, you used to have to sit separately because you cannot eat meat and dairy at the same table. But why now?!”
With this parable, Rabbi Alter wanted to express what is happening in our generation: “In earlier times, many people devoted their lives to true service, and accordingly, disagreements and disputes revolved only around subtle spiritual matters. And all these disagreements concerned only the sages themselves. Today, however, the struggle in the religious world is over simple, fundamental things that concern all Jews equally, young and old. If so, there should be no disputes or disagreements.”
6. It is written in the Torah (Exodus, 23:2): “Do not follow the majority to do evil.”
From this verse, we learn that one must not support evildoers or join people who support those who violate the law. The same applies to a group of people who spread gossip and keep the flames of conflict burning in the Jewish community.
Someone who spreads gossip and incites conflict does not deserve honor or respect, even if they hold a special position in society. In this case, showing them honor and respect will strengthen their position, leading to even greater tension in the community.
7. It is permissible to oppose those who violate the law and turn people against them. However, one should not persecute them, for the Almighty always helps someone who is oppressed and persecuted, even if that person is a rasha (an evildoer, a willful violator of the law, a bad person).