7. Someone who cannot cover his own basic expenses is not obligated to give tzedakah or help others financially. (But if a poor person gives even the smallest coin to tzedakah, he is considered to have fulfilled the mitzvah.)
A person is obligated to fulfill most of the mitzvot involving gemilut chasadim (acts of kindness, helping others) only if doing so will not be to his own detriment. He is also not obligated to leave his work to help someone else with his affairs. All the more so, he is not obligated to do for others what he would not do for himself, with the exception of the mitzvot of bringing joy to a bridegroom and burying the dead.
The Sages teach us that a man should treat his wife with special consideration: he should love her as himself, but honor her more than himself.
This means that he may do more for her than he would for himself. Even if he does not allow himself to buy certain things, he should make an exception for her, and doing so is no transgression.
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Rabbi Simcha Zissel Broide, head of the Hebron Yeshiva, always said to his wife, “Shalom and all the best,” whenever he left home. In his old age, walking was difficult for him. Nevertheless, once, after he had already walked some distance from his home, he asked his students to wait, explaining that he had forgotten something. His students wanted to fetch the item themselves, but Rabbi Simcha headed back toward his house. It turned out that he had forgotten to say to his wife the words he always said when leaving home.
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After his wedding, the young Rabbi Naftali Amsterdam was approached by his teacher, Rabbi Yisrael Salanter, who asked:
- Do you practice gemilut chasadim?
The student replied that at present he had no money with which to help others.
Rabbi Yisrael said that he was speaking not about money, but about his relationship with his wife.
- You must remember that you have taken a wife, not a servant, and she will be the person closest to you. That is why you must help her.
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A man came to Rabbi Isaac Sher, the spiritual director of the Slabodka Yeshiva, and told him about his problems. Every week before Shabbat, arguments broke out in his home. “I try to finish all the preparations well before Shabbat begins, but my wife leaves everything until the last minute,” he said with a heavy heart. Rabbi Isaac listened and asked how he prepared for Shabbat. The visitor replied that from noon onward he would wrap himself in his tallit and read the weekly Torah portion, thus preparing to welcome the holy Shabbat.
- Ah, I see… replied Rabbi Isaac. - Then my advice to you is this: take off your tallit for an hour and go help your wife, who is cooking and cleaning the house. If she is still running late even then, urge her to hurry. But do so calmly and politely.