Jewish Sages on Married Life
The Almighty punished the Egyptians with ten plagues. Some were brought about through Moshe, others through Aharon. The great commentator Rashi[1] explains: “Because the river (the Nile) protected Moshe when he was cast into its [waters], it was not harmed by his hand [and was not struck through him] with either blood or frogs, but was struck by Aharon’s hand”[2]. Rashi similarly explains why Moshe did not strike the dust during the plague of lice: “The dust did not deserve to receive punishment from Moshe, because it protected him when [Moshe] killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. [Therefore, the dust] received punishment from Aharon”[3].
The sages taught that feeling gratitude and expressing it are necessary even toward inanimate objects. All the more so toward the people around us, especially our spouse, who is our constant support and helper. We should feel and express our gratitude not only on special occasions, such as receiving a generous birthday gift, but also for small household favors and the help we routinely receive in everyday life. We are obliged to give thanks even when a good deed was not done specifically for us but benefited us indirectly.
It is very important to understand this, especially in married life. We should take note of the simplest, most ordinary things, such as shopping, household chores, work, and so on. We should appreciate all of this and, in appreciating it, thank our spouse for it.
The Babylonian Talmud[4] relates that Rabbi Chiya[5] was married to a woman who constantly tormented him. Despite this, whenever Rabbi Chiya happened to see something beautiful or useful for his wife, he would always buy it for her as a gift. A student asked him why he bought gifts for a woman who caused him nothing but trouble. Rabbi Chiya replied: the fact that she is my wife and raises our children is enough to obligate me to be grateful to her.
[1] Rabbi Shlomo Yitzchaki. Born in France in 1040. One of the greatest Torah commentators of all time. His commentaries on Tanakh, the Talmud, and other foundational works of the Jewish sages are still studied today in all Jewish educational institutions around the world. Died in 1105.
[2] Rashi. Commentary on Shemot, 7:19. Shemot (“Names”) is the second book of the Pentateuch.
[3] Rashi. Commentary on Shemot, 8:12
[4] Yevamot, 63a, b
[5] lived in Eretz Yisrael in the time of Rabbi Yehudah HaNasi, about 1800 years ago