Introduction
SPRING, SUMMER, AUTUMN and WINTER follow one another outside our windows every year in the same unchanging sequence. Each season has its own merits and distinctive features. Together they form the annual cycle through which the Almighty regularly guides nature, which He created for the benefit of humanity.
Like nature, we exist in time. As part of the physical world, we are subject to certain cycles. Our subject is the parallel between cycles in nature and cycles in a woman's physical life.
Month after month, a woman experiences regularly recurring processes. Is the analogy between nature's annual cycle and the monthly cycle in a woman's body justified? And if it is, what can we learn from this comparison that will benefit relationships between men and women, between husbands and wives? How does this subject relate to the Jewish laws of family life?
In this book, we will try to identify what the natural processes associated with the changing seasons and the physiological processes in a woman's body associated with her monthly cycle have in common, and on that basis explain the paths that lead to a deep inner bond between husband and wife.
This book is not a guide to halachah (Jewish law); it does not deal with the laws themselves. These laws should be studied in works devoted to them. The purpose of our book is to help develop a proper understanding of marital relations.
The second part of the book contains advice and guidance from Jewish sages that readers may find useful in their family lives.
The end of the book briefly presents the laws of lighting Shabbat and festival candles. Observing this commandment has a special quality—it creates a beneficial atmosphere in the Jewish home.
May it be the Almighty's will that we all merit a fulfilling and happy family life, and that His blessing rest upon our homes.
CHAPTER 1 - THE CHANGING SEASONS
The universe is a wondrous mystery to us. The boundless cosmos, with the Sun and Moon and countless stars, is astonishing. Astonishing, too, is the swift movement of our little planet Earth along its orbit—at a speed of 30 km per second! The earthly world we inhabit is full of wonders. Science has been studying it for hundreds of years without exhausting its mysteries, constantly discovering something new; the more it learns, the more it sees still lying hidden and unknown ahead.
For six days the Almighty created the world—and crowned His Creation by creating man in the image and likeness of the Creator. Man—the crown of Creation—was given a special purpose: the Almighty “placed him in the Garden of Eden to cultivate it and guard it”1. This means that, while making use of everything created for his benefit, man is called upon to work with Creation in a way that helps preserve goodness in the world and does not bring about evil through his actions. The purpose of the work for which man was intended is the good of the entire world. As the Midrash says: “Having created the first man, the Almighty led him before all the trees of the Garden and said: ‘Look at My creations, see how beautiful and perfect they are. Everything I created, I created for you. Take care not to spoil or destroy My world, for if you spoil it, there will be no one to repair it after you’”2.
For many generations, humanity believed it could do whatever it pleased with nature, using it for its needs and convenience. But today people have come to understand that it is not enough to “cultivate” nature; we must also “guard” it. That is, we must live in accordance with the laws of nature, in harmony with its processes. This is necessary for our own good, so that nature can always benefit us.
The world is arranged in the way most favorable to humanity. The seasons that follow one another also exist for our benefit, each with its own function, for “He has made everything beautiful in its time”3.
In the plant world, the changing seasons determine the stages of development that make up the life of all living things.
- Spring A period of growth and flowering. Fruit forms and ripens. It already looks appealing, but is not yet fit to eat.
- Summer Growth and ripening are complete. It is time to harvest, prepare the fruit for eating, and enjoy it.
- Autumn The period of growth and ripening is over; we have the fruits of the harvest and make use of them. The energy that filled the plants in spring and summer begins to wane and gradually leaves them.
- Winter The earth rests and gathers strength, preparing for a new spring.
The processes of the cycle a woman goes through each month can also be considered in terms of birth, development, decline, and renewal. They, too, can be divided into four phases.
- Construction
Hormonal activity in the body increases, an egg matures, and the uterine lining grows and thickens. A marvelous structure for creating new life takes shape. Increased hormonal activity helps build bone density, strengthen the heart muscle, and bring energy and good spirits. Everything is provided for so that the varied and intensive processes taking place in a woman's body during this phase proceed precisely and on schedule, without any disruptions.
- Completion of construction
The complex and varied processes of construction come to completion in a coordinated way. The body is ready for the egg to be fertilized.
- Life of the new "structure"
The structure that has been created lives on. Even if fertilization has not occurred, the uterine lining remains for some time, until it breaks down and menstruation begins.
- Preparation for the next construction
Menstruation. The uterine lining and the unfertilized egg break down and are expelled from the body along with blood, allowing it to begin building anew in the next cycle.
In chapters two through five, we will briefly discuss the laws of family purity and examine in greater detail the parallel between the laws of nature expressed in the changing seasons and the patterns of a woman's monthly cycle, as well as the connection between the patterns of this cycle and the Torah's laws concerning family life.
In chapter six, we will examine how halachah connects the phases of a woman's monthly cycle into a unified whole, using its precepts to guide husband and wife toward a deep inner bond and emotional closeness. We need this closeness so that together we can fulfill our purpose—to “cultivate and guard” the world for our own benefit.
The Torah contains laws whose usefulness and necessity are obvious: the commandment to honor one's parents, the prohibitions against speaking ill of others, theft, and so on. Alongside them, however, are commandments whose reasons and foundations the human mind cannot grasp. These are called “chukim.” The laws of family purity belong to this category. Yet although the essence of chukim is unclear to us, the effect of observing them on a person's soul and life can certainly be observed. Needless to say, this is a positive effect.
This book offers some explanations of the laws of family purity, but they are far from exhausting the reasons underlying these laws and making their observance necessary. We explain and interpret these laws and invest them with our own meaning only to make them easier to understand, but the essence of chukim always remains Divine and hidden from us.
The four phases of a woman's monthly cycle in light of halachah
The Torah considers physical intimacy between husband and wife a commandment and attaches great importance to it. Nevertheless, it also prohibits intimate relations between spouses under certain circumstances. What are these circumstances?
When blood is discharged from the uterus, a woman's status is defined as niddah (impurity), and the prohibition against physical intimacy applies to her, as it says: “You shall not approach a woman during her separation in her impurity to uncover her nakedness”4. Physical intimacy is forbidden to the couple until the woman immerses in a mikveh.
From the perspective of the states of niddah and purity, a woman's monthly cycle can likewise be divided into four phases.
- “Seven clean days”: the seven-day period following the end of menstruation. Only after seven days without any discharge of blood following the end of menstruation may a woman immerse in a mikveh.
- Immersion: the night of immersion in the mikveh. It comes after the “seven clean days.” Immersion ends the period of niddah, and intimate relations and all other expressions of physical intimacy are once again permitted to the couple.
- Days of purity: the period of being in a state of ritual purity—taharah. This state continues until the next menstruation begins.
- Menstrual period: the period when intimate relations are forbidden to the couple. The state of niddah resumes with the onset of bleeding and continues until the woman's next immersion in a mikveh.
1. Bereishit, 2:15. B. (“In the beginning”) is the first portion of the first book of the Torah (the Five Books of Moses), which bears the same name.
2. Kohelet Rabbah, 7. K.R. is the Sages' commentary on the Book of Kohelet (known in Russian translations as “Ecclesiastes”).
4 Vayikra, 18:19. V. (“And He called”) is the third book of the Five Books of Moses.