Honoring Father and Mother
88. A person is obligated to honor his father's wife (his stepmother) as long as his father is alive. The same applies to his mother's husband (his stepfather). However, after the death of the father or mother, this is no longer an obligation. Nevertheless, in any case, a decent person will continue to treat them with respect.
And of course, children are obligated to honor their father (or mother) who has remarried, even if this causes them great suffering. Moreover, if parents have divorced or been widowed, children should help them find a new spouse, and help them in all other matters as well, more than they help anyone else.
*** One man divorced his wife, and his grown son, who by then was already studying and living in a yeshiva, stopped communicating with him entirely. This caused the father great pain, and he asked an avreich he knew to approach one of the rabbis at the yeshiva so that they could influence his son and persuade him to resume contact with his father.
The acquaintance went to Rabbi Yaakov Yisrael Kanievsky (the Steipler) for advice. The Steipler replied that he should indeed fulfill the father's request.
- What should I tell this rabbi? – the avreich asked.
The Steipler raised his voice:
- Let him tell the young man that the commandment to honor one's father and mother is Torah law! And everyone is obligated to fulfill this commandment!
- To this day, – the avreich recalls, – I feel shaken and filled with admiration when I remember the fear that appeared on the Steipler's face at the thought that someone might fail to fulfill a Torah commandment.
89. A person is obligated to treat his father-in-law and mother-in-law with the same respect shown to esteemed elders. It is highly desirable to call them “Dad” and “Mom.” A woman is also obligated to treat her father-in-law and mother-in-law with respect, especially since in doing so she also expresses respect for her husband.
90. One should also honor one's older brother (even a brother who shares only the same mother or father), even if the younger brother is wiser and more knowledgeable in Torah than the older one. The Sages differ on whether this respect is required only during the parents' lifetime or also after their death.
91. A person is also obligated to honor his grandfathers and grandmothers. However, the obligation toward one's paternal grandfather is greater. Therefore, if a son cannot provide financial support for his father, but the grandson can, the grandson is compelled to support his grandfather.