Honoring Father and Mother
49. If parents violate a Torah commandment out of ignorance or because of a mistake, their son may not openly rebuke them. However, he may ask what happened, what prompted his parents' behavior, or whether they are familiar with this commandment. If the situation can be corrected without any conflict or hurt feelings, such actions by the son are entirely acceptable and even necessary.
50. If a father cites a law or relays some other information inaccurately, his son is forbidden to say, "You are mistaken" or "What you said was incorrect." He may say, "I think we learned it this way" or "I heard that it was such and such..." This must be said as an addition, rather than as a direct contradiction or rebuke.
51. Even if parents are utterly wicked and far from repenting, their son is forbidden to curse them, let alone strike them.
52. If a Jewish court rules that parents deserve punishment, their son may not take part in it or directly carry out the sentence.
53. The Sages disagree about whether there is an obligation to respect and honor parents who continually violate the Torah's commandments and do not seek to mend their ways. Since this concerns Torah law (de'oraita), the preferred approach is to be stringent on this issue and continue to show respect to one's parents. But if they deliberately act to harm others, incite people to worship other gods, or deny the truth of the words of the Torah and its Sages, all opinions agree that there is no obligation to respect and honor such parents. Nevertheless, it is forbidden to cause even such parents pain and suffering.
Someone who grew up far from centers of Jewish life, was placed with a non-Jewish family, or grew up in a family of assimilated Jews is called a tinok shenishba (literally, a child taken captive). The laws concerning such people are discussed in chapter 20.
54. If parents observe Jewish tradition and only occasionally violate commandments for some reason, all opinions agree that they must be respected and honored.
55. Some people observe the commandments in part, but in certain areas of life they cannot overcome their weaknesses and violate the laws and rules established by the Torah and the Sages. A son is not obligated to support his father or treat him respectfully when it comes to that area of "weakness." Nevertheless, the mitzvah to warn his father or try to stop him remains, provided, of course, that this will not lead to conflict. Sometimes it is best to act through a third party.
56. If a father does not violate the commandments but has a negative character trait that repels people and arouses hatred, or if he is constantly drunk, one is permitted to distance oneself from him.
57. If children and parents are always at odds, constantly argue, and cannot find common ground, it is better for them to distance themselves from one another. Sometimes, by living away from their parents' home, children may be able to lay the groundwork for normal relationships and fulfill their obligations toward their parents, at least at a minimal level.
Nimrod had been fired from his job. He had held an important political post, but now, finding himself outside politics, he gradually became a bitter and irritable man. When talking to people, he could resort to shouting and very unpleasant jibes. His relatives, and especially his adult children, found it very difficult to watch what was happening while remaining calm. Gradually, tensions rose, and the number of clashes increased.
In this case, the children should move to another place (another city) and come only occasionally to visit their father. This way, they will be able to keep the family intact and preserve his good name, and there will still be room in their hearts for respect.