Honoring One's Father and Mother
83. A married woman is also commanded to honor her parents, but when she needs to be with her husband and help him, the Torah exempts her from certain actions so as not to disrupt harmony in the family. In such a case, her husband's request takes priority. Nevertheless, she is obligated to revere her parents and, of course, is forbidden to humiliate or upset them.
84. An unmarried woman is obligated to honor her parents to the same extent as an adult son. The same applies to a divorced woman, a widow, and a woman whose husband does not object to her devoting a great deal of time to helping her parents.
85. If a shetuki (a person who does not know who his father is) unknowingly struck his biological father, he is not punished, even if his mother later told him who was who. But as soon as the son is convinced that the entire account is true, he must be more careful and change his attitude toward his father.
86. A ger (convert) is forbidden to treat his biological parents with contempt, and certainly to strike them. Besides being wrong in itself, this leads to violations of moral standards, since in such a case his conversion to Judaism, too, will be associated with immorality.
87. A child who was taken in and raised by other Jewish parents is obligated to honor both his biological father and mother and those who raised him. But a son incurs the most severe punishment only for abusing (cursing or physically injuring) his biological Jewish parents.
*** Ze'ev comes from a respected family and is well brought up. Almost no one knew that his mother had married for a second time and that Ze'ev was born of her first marriage. His mother's first husband was a cruel man, and when he was offered a business opportunity, he left his home, wife, and child and went to South America. He completely forgot about his family and his two-year-old son. Ze'ev knew nothing of this story and thought his mother's husband was his biological father. But one fine day, the husband who had run away, and who had since become wealthy, returned to his native region and began making inquiries about his former wife and child. As soon as he obtained Ze'ev's telephone number, he called him and told him what had happened and that he was his real father. Ze'ev did not know how to react.
On the one hand, he felt bitter toward his biological father, who had abandoned the family to its fate; on the other, he saw before him a man with a broken heart and a ruined life, who had only his past and his one child left. He told him how sorry he was about what had happened, and Ze'ev felt a growing sense of pity. Eventually, a thought ran through his mind: “I don't know what to do; all my feelings are mixed up, but perhaps I should keep in touch with him, and who knows, he might chip in for the wedding.” The young man noticed that something base had stirred within him, and there was nothing left to do but go to his teacher and rabbi for advice.
After listening to Ze'ev, the rabbi replied: “This man is your father, and you are obligated to honor him. This has nothing to do with the gratitude you feel toward the man who raised you. Yes, he has abandoned the traditions of his ancestors, but remember that, according to some opinions, even such a person must be honored by his own children. Above all, don't even think of currying favor with him to get money or a share of his estate.”