Honoring One's Father and Mother
15. Children should not interrupt their parents' conversations or try to answer a question first, ahead of their father or mother. *** A father and son were driving in the father's car. Suddenly, the engine stalled, and they got out to see what had happened. The father opened the hood and began unscrewing one of the engine parts.
Even if the son sees that his father's actions while inspecting the car could damage it, and he has already understood what needs to be fixed, he should try to explain his point of view calmly, without implying that his father is incompetent in such matters.
16. If a father reproaches his son and accuses him of something, even if this stems from a mistaken understanding of what happened, the son may not defend himself before his father by refuting everything he says. He should explain what happened without focusing on the accusatory and reproachful way his father has spoken.
17. A son must not call his parents by their first names, even in their absence or after their deaths. In their presence, they are addressed as “Father/Mother, Dad/Mom,” and when they are absent, many say, “My father, my teacher/my mother, my teacher.” The same applies to correspondence.
18. One may also not call other people who have the same names as one's parents by those names, so that one's parents do not think they are being addressed. According to one opinion, this does not apply to common names, and if the parents are not nearby, there is no prohibition either.
19. To illustrate the degree of patience one should show when fulfilling this commandment, our Sages give the following example.
A son was sitting at the head of the table, wearing beautiful new clothes. There were many people in the hall, including numerous important figures. It was a special evening at which the son was to give a speech or conclude a business deal. Suddenly, his father (or mother) came in, struck him, and tore his clothes. His father began reproaching him and finally spat in his face.
In such a situation, the son should remain silent and maintain an inner sense of reverence toward his father. However, he is permitted to try to prevent the conflict through a third party, provided that his father will not be offended.
The same applies when, for example, a father takes his son's wallet containing money and throws it into the sea before his eyes. However, the son may always try to recover his money through a beit din (Jewish court), since this does not conflict with the commandment to “honor one's father and mother.” If, however, the parents are merely trying to prevent their son from earning additional income, for example, to protect his health, he is not permitted to oppose them even through a third party, since this does not involve losses or damage.