Honoring One's Father and Mother
71. A father is forbidden to be overly demanding of his children regarding the mitzvah of honoring parents and to insist on their observing every detail of it. Since such behavior can lead to estrangement and quarrels, it is better to overlook certain lapses in a child's behavior, forgive them, and act as though he has not noticed. Unlike a king, a father can forgive his child for a particular misdeed, and this protects the son from punishment.
72. If a son strikes his father or curses him, his father's forgiveness does not protect him from punishment. There is an opinion that this law applies even if the parents were only insulted or humiliated.
73. Once children have grown up, a father can move to a different level of relationship and treat them like his brothers. This will help him establish good relationships with them and stop being overly demanding. Interestingly, the patriarch Yaakov once referred to his children as his brothers when speaking about them. From this we can learn that adult children can indeed become like a father's own brothers to him.
74. If a father begins to hit his adult son or threaten him, he thereby violates the commandment “Do not place a stumbling block before the blind,” since the son may lose control and respond in kind. (In such a case, the son should be very careful not to inflame the situation.)
*** The harmony that prevailed in Mr. Tzadikov's family invariably charmed everyone who knew them. All the family members were very different people, each with a distinct path in life. Yet they were all very close and devoted to one another. Sarah, an architect by profession, had known the Tzadikov family for several years when she suddenly realized the secret of their unity and mutual understanding. One day, she was invited to inspect their house and plan the rooms as part of an expansion of their living space. When she arrived and the discussion of the housing plans began, something caught her attention. The parents explained all the details to the children, as though consulting them. Although the children's ideas and advice were not particularly substantial or useful, the parents listened to them with great respect. This was how the desire to understand another person became firmly established in that home.