Honoring Your Father and Mother
25. An opinion cited in halachic law holds that the obligation to support needy parents out of a son's own funds applies only to tzedakah money, that is, the money the son is already obligated to give to the poor: since in this case the parents also qualify as needy, the son may use tzedakah funds to support them. However, the Sages said long ago: “Anyone who has sufficient means yet feeds his parents with tzedakah money deserves to be cursed.”
26. If there are several children in the family (sons who are financially comfortable), each must help his parents according to his means. Therefore, a wealthy son should not base his contribution on how much his less well-off brother has given. He must give a larger amount.27. Even if parents wish to decline their children's help (for example, to avoid burdening them) and intend to begin receiving assistance from a charitable organization, they are not always entitled to do so, since the primary obligation to help them still rests with their children.
Boaz had endured many hardships in his life. His childhood was marked by poverty and hunger. When he grew up and began working, fortune smiled on him, but his parents continued to eke out a miserable existence. The successful son managed to establish a profitable business that brought him a considerable fortune, and eventually he even set up his own charitable fund, whose services many low-income families use. In any event, helping his needy parents must remain his priority.
28. If you know that a request of yours will not be refused out of regard for your father's good deeds, it is better to ask that it be done for your father's sake, even if you could receive the same favor without doing so. This, too, is a way of honoring your parents. But in a place where people were hostile to your father, it is better not to mention him.
The position of chief rabbi in a certain town had become vacant, and a suitable candidate had to be found. A young man came to Rabbi Chaim Ozer Grodzinski and began urging him to appoint his father, whom he considered sufficiently experienced and knowledgeable, to the post. In Rabbi Chaim's opinion, he was not the most suitable candidate, and all the son's efforts were in vain. But the young man continued to insist and began behaving insolently, using rather unpleasant words and expressions. Rabbi Chaim remained silent throughout, and when the young man's tone became unbearable, he went into another room. Rabbi Chaim's close associates asked why he was listening so patiently to the agitated visitor. The rabbi replied: “He is making an effort on his father's behalf, and I dare not answer him back or complain about him.”