Rules to Follow When Looking for a Spouse
21.
As a rule, when you are asked about someone, you should try to say as little as possible. You must also be very careful about what you say, since the line between information that may be shared and information that may not is very fine. In addition, people often use the same words to mean different things. Therefore, before describing someone else's shortcomings or good qualities, make sure that you and the person you are speaking to are “speaking the same language.” If you do not know this person, first try to strike up a conversation about general topics. This will help you determine what kind of person they are and understand how they word things, and so on.
For example:
1. “Chaim is a very kind person.”
One person will picture a young man who is not particularly gifted, whom you can always take along to lend a hand. Others will see only something positive in this statement: that Chaim is sensitive to other people's problems, always ready to help, and so on.
2. “Chaim likes order.”
This could mean that he is neat, always looks impeccable, puts everything in its place, and will give his wife no trouble in keeping things tidy. An unquestionable virtue. Or it could mean that he watches for every speck of dust, becomes very upset when a chair is not placed at a right angle to the table, and constantly checks whether everything is in its place.
22.Since many words and descriptions can have a double meaning, when describing another person, you must give an example or explain which details of their behavior led you to use that description. If you use very precise descriptions, you are not obligated to go on to give examples, but you must always bear in mind that the person listening may interpret the information in their own particular way.
23.
You must also take into account that some people always see only the good and constantly praise others, while others, on the contrary, see only shortcomings. Such people are not always objective.
24.
You must remember that everyone in the world has some shortcomings.