Rules to Follow When Looking for a Marriage Partner
27.
If, despite the warning, the young people continue with the shidduch and are preparing for the wedding, and the issue is a very serious shortcoming, it is sometimes permitted to exaggerate and even make things up to help the young people. But in that case, it is essential to consult an experienced rabbi.
28.
If the shortcomings are things that most people would not regard as outside the norm, and no one asks about them, there is no obligation to disclose them. The exception is when it is common knowledge that one of the parties considers this shortcoming "forbidden" or "unbearable."
Examples:
a) Those who, from the outset, seek a young man (woman) only from among meyuchasim (from a family of "distinguished lineage," in which a high standard of Jewish education and culture has been maintained for several generations, and whose ancestry connects them to great sages and righteous figures of Judaism).
b) Those who seek a partner with exceptionally developed intellectual abilities and cannot be patient with people of average intelligence.
c) Those who are very afraid of becoming involved with someone who is not completely healthy. For example, someone physically weak or overly sensitive to cold, and so on.
29.
If you see that your words will not be taken seriously and the shidduch will go ahead anyway, you should not tell the other party about the shortcomings.
30.
There is no obligation to disclose one party's shortcomings if doing so will lead to a major conflict and, in addition to your being suspected of lying, the "aggrieved party" will harass you.