Rules to Follow When Looking for a Spouse
1.
Every young man or woman, upon receiving a shidduch suggestion, and all the more so during the period of meeting and getting acquainted, must find out everything necessary about their prospective spouse and that person's family.
This must be done to determine whether they are suited to each other and to check whether any circumstances could hinder the development of a healthy marital relationship.
A person who makes the wrong choice may very quickly become disillusioned, and hatred may take the place of love in their heart. They may then, without realizing it, begin taking revenge, harboring malice, or violating other commandments. Such a state of affairs leads to destruction, which is why the sages warn us in advance against such mistakes. We must not create situations from which it will later be very difficult to extricate ourselves.
*** The commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself” does not require an artificial love between people who are incompatible. The reasons for their incompatibility may vary. But when young people want to build a family and regard this as an important commandment (while also being somewhat aware of the other party's shortcomings), it is necessary, on the contrary, to help them see all the good qualities in their partner and learn to avoid conflicts.