Rules to Follow When Looking for a Marriage Partner
25.
Which shortcomings must not be concealed?
a) When a shortcoming is so serious in most people's eyes that, upon learning of it, they would stop considering the shidduch altogether.
b) When Jewish law forbids marrying someone who has these shortcomings.
c) All those things that, when discovered, usually lead to a shidduch being broken off.
Examples:
1) An apikores—a person who does not believe in the authenticity of the Written and Oral Torah or in the truth of the rules and laws derived by the Sages.
2) Someone who treats the Sages and their books with contempt.
3) Someone who immerses themselves in books of philosophy that have nothing in common with Torah. This refers to books that lead a person away from what matters most and awaken desires for what is false and perverse (Scientific literature without any kind of philosophy does not fall into this category).
4) Someone who disregards the laws of modesty and family purity.
5) Someone who is involved with drugs or spends entire days entertaining themselves on the internet.
6) If a person is seriously ill. This refers to illnesses such as cancer, diabetes, epilepsy or conditions that make it impossible to have children.
7) A person with a disability (if the physical impairment is not apparent, a rabbi should be consulted).
8) Someone who is constantly angry; a very stingy person; a cruel person; someone who constantly makes digs at others and tries to show everyone that they are beneath him and not as good as he is; and someone who is constantly tense and irritated by every little thing.
9) If he is an adopted child (taken in and raised by another family from a young age).
When it is not known for certain whether a prospective groom (bride) has one of these shortcomings, and the person making inquiries is unfamiliar with the laws of lashon hara, it is better to answer that you know nothing. If, however, the interested party is familiar with these laws, you may say: “I have heard that there are problems of a certain kind, but this needs to be checked.”
26.
When it comes to an apikores, it is permissible to exaggerate and highlight his shortcomings so that people will distance themselves from him.