Rebbetzin Yemima Mizrahi
On Purim, your home should be a palace.
A white tablecloth and two lit candles—for Mordechai and Esther. The table is set. Why is this important? Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi says that on Purim, “the Jews accepted what they had (themselves) already begun to do.” As you act below, so will it be decreed for you Above; as you take it upon yourself below, so will it be brought about Above. A woman who wants to get married should dress up as a bride. Why? Because it is pleasant to bring joy to someone who is already joyful. It is hard to cheer up a sad person—he will keep his mournful expression.
So, for the Almighty to bring us joy, we need to embrace happiness as though we already had something to rejoice about.
On our set table are… nuts and seeds—what Esther ate in the palace.
You must not become angry at the table, because that will drive joy out of the home for the entire year. Purim is not Yom Kippur. On Yom Kippur, we wear white and wish everyone a good year, even if we spent the whole year wishing that neighbor out of existence. Purim reveals our true face, for Pirkei Avot says that a person is known by his “pocket, cup, and anger.” So do not become angry, especially with your husband.
I receive many letters asking how women should drink on Purim.
Let’s take a look. The Gemara says that one glass is permissible for a woman and even beneficial—she will have plenty of milk. Two glasses are already improper: a woman stops watching her behavior and her tongue. With three glasses, she begins making advances toward the opposite sex; with four glasses, she “runs after a donkey in the marketplace.”
I will try to explain our sages in the age of feminism—how could they say such a thing about women?!
As we know, “When wine goes in, a secret comes out.” A secret (sod) is a social connection. As it is written in Psalms (64:3): “Hide me from the council (sod) of the wicked,” and also (55:15): “With whom we enjoyed counsel (sod) together.” It turns out that this is the desire to be connected to someone. With men, we are not afraid of a secret coming out, because men’s greatest secret is the desire not to be tied to anyone. So when a man gets drunk, he simply withdraws from everyone and falls asleep.
For a woman, it is different—she is always seeking connection, seeking closeness.
And it does not matter whether she is married or single, young or older. The Ohr HaChaim writes that the woman’s curse, “your desire shall be for your husband,” means that the love her husband can give her will never be enough for her. And this secret will come out when you drink. My dear, safeguard your soul, because there are so many “donkeys in the marketplace” who will want to take advantage of your loneliness and, instead of giving you connection (kesher), will give you a lie (sheker). That is why I do not permit drinking more than two glasses under any circumstances. The third glass is cornflakes with milk.
A woman must give matanot la’evyonim to two poor people, each gift worth the price of a portion of falafel. A husband does not fulfill this obligation on his wife’s behalf.
Mishloach manot is not a gift like that traveling basket that gets regifted to the next family. Prepare two portions that are personal and special to you and to the recipient, to strengthen the unity of the people.
The Purim meal. “And on the second day, the king said to Esther as they were drinking wine: (Tell me,) what is your wish, Queen Esther? It shall be granted. And what is your request?”
There is a feast in your home, everyone is drinking, there is noise and commotion, but find yourself a quiet corner and turn to the King. And what should you ask for?
First and foremost, “Have I found favor in your eyes, O King” (Esther 7:2,3). This is a very intimate encounter with the Almighty; this is the palace’s inner courtyard. Afterward, you can make other requests, but first and foremost—this one.
Prepared by Mrs. Zissi Skarzhinskaya