19. A guest should not ask for a second helping if he suspects that the host does not have enough food. If the host is put in an awkward position and feels compelled to put more food on the table (when his financial circumstances do not allow it), this would be akin to stealing on the guest’s part.
In some cases, when a host has nothing to serve his guests, he may literally die of shame.
For this reason, it is considered unacceptable to arrive when the meal is almost over and hardly any food remains on the table. Although the Sages said, “One who does not leave a piece of bread on the table at the end of a meal will see no blessing” (since a poor person might knock at any moment and ask for food, and in those days food was not kept for long), a poor person should not rely on this and arrive when most people are already finishing their meal.
20. One must not bring other people along unless this has been arranged in advance, or appear unexpectedly without informing the host of the visit beforehand.
21. A guest is not permitted to take food from the table and give it to the host’s children without his permission, since this could embarrass the host if there ultimately proves to be too little food. However, there is an opinion that this applies only when there is a limited amount of food on the table; if there is enough food, it is not prohibited.
22. The above law applies only to guests; a son eating at his father’s table is permitted to take food from the table and give it to a poor person. Similarly, a worker on his lunch break (at a meal provided by his employer) may share with a poor person or offer food to the host’s son.
23. A Torah scholar should not sit at the same table as uneducated and ignorant people. It is known that in the past, some Sages would not agree to eat at the same table as someone about whom they knew nothing.
24. Declining an invitation to participate in a mitzvah meal (for example, in honor of a brit milah or a wedding) is generally considered a serious transgression. However, if it is known that unworthy people will be present, there is no obligation to eat with them.
25. When a person returns to an area where he has previously been a guest, he should not seek a different place to stay overnight without a particular reason, lest people think that his previous hosts are difficult or stingy people.
26. A guest should obey the host and comply with all his requests, provided this does not involve violating any prohibition or causing anyone harm.
27. If there is reason to suspect that the host does not observe kashrut when it comes to his favorite foods, the guest is forbidden to eat those foods. However, even if the guest does not personally know the host, he is permitted to eat in his home as long as there is no evidence or rumor discrediting him. After all, we must initially presume every Jew to be kosher and righteous. However, if the guest is paying for the meal (for example, at a hotel), he is obligated to ascertain the food’s standard of kashrut in advance.
28. A good guest says, “How hard the host worked, how much food he put on the table, and how delicious everything was! And all of it—for me!” However, one should not praise the host so lavishly in public, especially in the presence of unworthy people, lest they subsequently take advantage of his hospitality.
If a guest is asked to give a lesson or share words of Torah, he should begin by thanking the host.
29. A guest should thank the host and ask about his well-being.
30. It is also desirable to leave small gifts for the host’s family.