The prohibition against causing offense and suffering (ona’at devarim)
16. A person who habitually elevates his own stature by shaming another person loses his share in the World to Come.
This applies even when the other person is not present. For example, when someone compares his own actions with those of his fellow to make it clear how much better he is.
****Ruth was asked about a classmate in connection with a shidduch that had been suggested for that girl. The woman wanted to know how she had done at school and how she had behaved. At first, the stranger asked what her grades had been. Then she asked about the other girls’ academic level and what grades Ruth herself had received.
Ruth replied: “The girl you are asking about had an average grade of ‘80’, which was higher than her friends’ grades in class, in other words, above average. As for me…”
Ruth could have answered the last question in different ways.
a) “My average grade was ‘95’.” She is allowed to say this, since she is simply answering the question.
b) But if, delighting in her superiority, she had immediately said, “That girl got ‘80’, while I almost always got ‘95’,” she would have made a serious mistake: boosting her own standing at her friend’s expense.
****The Vilna Gaon studied Torah ceaselessly from early childhood.
This incident took place when he was only four years old. His mother knew that Torah has a profound effect on a person and, as is well known, makes a person more refined, which sometimes also leads to physical weakness. She constantly watched over Eliyahu’s development and noticed that he ate without much appetite and looked pale. His mother asked him to put his studies aside for a while and go play with the boys in the courtyard.
Little Eliyahu went out into the courtyard and saw the boys playing on a homemade seesaw made from a round stone with a large board laid across it.
The boy found this boring. He stood there for a little while and then headed home. His parents were standing in the doorway and were very surprised that their little son had returned so soon.
When asked why he did not want to play with the boys, he replied, “I cannot sit on a board and watch my friend go down while I go up. That does not accord with the principles of the Torah, which places love for one’s fellow above all else. I would rather study Torah and keep going up, without anyone going down in the process. That would bring me true joy.”