The prohibition against insulting people and causing suffering (ona'at devarim)
7. You must not say to a Jew who has returned to Torah observance, or to someone who violated a commandment in the past: “Remember what you used to be like and what you used to do.”
The same applies to a ger (convert). You must not say to a ger: “Remember who your father was.”
8. If a Jew who did not previously observe the commandments, or a ger, comes to study Torah, you must not say to him, “How will you be able to study Torah? Will a mouth that ate nonkosher food study the Torah that was given from the mouth of the Almighty?”
****
Torah classes were held at a university in California for those wishing to renew their connection to Judaism and their ancestral traditions. Michael began attending these classes and, after a while, decided to change his way of life. After completing his university studies, he went to a world-renowned yeshiva and eventually began teaching others himself.
Years passed. Michael had a daughter, and a good match was suggested for her.
The match was proposed by his old friend Yankel. In a conversation with Michael, he said, “Who would have thought that such a righteous and decent person would come from a family of failures and criminals! Who would have thought that a mouth that devoured nonkosher food would now be teaching Torah to others?!”
If these words did not hurt Michael but, on the contrary, encouraged him, his old friend acted very well. But if Yankel wanted to humiliate and hurt Michael, his sin is very grave. If he wanted to praise his friend, but his friend took it negatively, he must ask his forgiveness and reassure him.
The Almighty, who sees clearly into people's hearts, knows what Yankel really meant.
9. People in every region, or even every city, have their own distinctive traits. These may concern not only their speech and dialect but also their way of thinking. Yet although many people know about these traits and understand that they are not shortcomings, talking about them can often hurt and humiliate others.
For example, you must not say, “He did that because he comes from such-and-such a city,” or “Only people from such-and-such a village are capable of that.” This also applies, of course, to jokes that ridicule shortcomings associated with a particular ethnic group living in the same region.