The Prohibition Against Shaming and Insulting Others (halbanat panim)
6. You must not address another person by a nickname that may hurt him. Even if he is already used to it, you may not do so if your intention is to hurt him. A person does well to refrain from calling other people by nicknames, even if he does not intend to hurt them. Better still is someone who does not call anyone even by an inoffensive nickname. The Sages said that anyone who makes up names and nicknames for another person instead of calling him by his name loses his share in the World to Come.
**** When we were still very young, we had a teacher who remembered Tova’s grandmother. Tova had been named after her grandmother. Sometimes the teacher mistakenly called her Gittel. (Tova and Gittel mean the same thing—“good”—but the former is Hebrew and the latter Yiddish.) Tova was terribly embarrassed, because in Israel many children are embarrassed by their own names or those of relatives when they are considered old-fashioned. From then on, some of the girls in the class kept teasing her by calling her Gittel, which she found very upsetting.
7. A person who calls another person a slave is excommunicated; a person who calls another person a mamzer (“illegitimate child”) is punished with lashes by a beit din. In some cases, at the beit din’s discretion, the offender may be fined.
8. If a person says things that disgrace a Torah scholar (even in his absence), he is excommunicated until he asks for forgiveness and the scholar forgives him. In addition, he may be required to pay a fine. If he does so after the scholar’s death, repentance is all that remains.
9. Hurting another person in the presence of a Torah scholar, in a synagogue, or next to a Torah scroll is considered a more serious violation than doing so in another place and at another time.
10. Sometimes the cantor leading the prayers in a synagogue, or the person reading the Torah, makes a mistake and is immediately corrected. At such a moment, one must exercise restraint and avoid adding unnecessary remarks or shouts.
11. Sometimes, when friends get together, they begin making jokes at the expense of one of those present. The person pretends to find it funny too, but it is quite possible that he is actually hurt. Unfortunately, this happens very often when people gather together (for example, on Purim). One should therefore be very careful at such parties and gatherings, since it is easy to violate several grave prohibitions in this way.
**** Once, the Rebbe of Ger (author of “Chiddushei HaRim”) heard a Jew refer to a blind Jew by the nickname “Blind Nachman.” Horrified, the rabbi approached him and asked:
- Who gave you permission to address another person that way?
Trying to justify himself, the man replied:
- So what? Everyone calls him that.
- Everyone? the Rebbe exclaimed indignantly. Bear in mind, Gehinnom (hell) is very large; there is room there for everyone!