The prohibition against shaming and insulting others (halbanat panim)
2. One of the Torah’s commandments requires a person to warn another person in time to prevent a possible transgression (see Leviticus 19:17). But your words may not always be received calmly or understood correctly, and sometimes a rebuke can cause intense shame, especially in front of other people. Therefore, if you want to warn your fellow and stop him, you must speak with him privately, taking care not to hurt him in any way.
3. There is, however, an exception to this rule. If someone violates commandments that are not directly related to interpersonal relationships (such as the prohibitions against stealing, gossiping, taking revenge…), then, after he has been warned privately and still has not changed his behavior, a beit din may intervene. This applies to all the commandments that fall into the category of “serving the Creator.” In Hebrew, these commandments are called “bein adam la-Makom,” which literally means “between a person and the Creator.” The beit din may send representatives to the transgressor who will be permitted to rebuke him publicly and even use harsh language.
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Once, the Chazon Ish and one of his students entered the entrance hall of an apartment building. From behind the door of one apartment came shouting: a husband and wife were arguing. Hearing this, the Chazon Ish broke into a run. Once he was a considerable distance away, he sat down to rest. The student was very surprised and wanted to understand what had made his teacher run so fast.
The Chazon Ish caught his breath and answered, “I recognized the man’s voice—he knows me well. If he had seen us and realized that I had heard everything, he would have felt very uncomfortable.”
4. Although someone who shames another person publicly is not required to pay him a fine, it is nevertheless a grave sin.
Someone who rebukes and shames another person publicly is considered to have shed his blood. After all, shame makes a person blush or turn pale, resembling the loss of blood. Those who frequently behave this way lose their share in the World to Come.
5. The Sages said, “It is better to throw oneself into a blazing furnace than to shame another person.” We learn this from the story of Tamar. She did not tell everyone that Yehudah was the true father of her child, but merely sent several objects that belonged to him. Had he not admitted the truth, she would have been executed. (One may not violate Torah law to spare someone public humiliation. However, to save a life, one may kill a would-be murderer and also violate the laws of Shabbat. The book Binyan Tzion cites the opinion that if you are forced to humiliate and shame a sleeping child publicly, who will only learn what happened upon waking, you must refuse even if you are threatened with death. Although this opinion was not accepted as law, it nevertheless opens our eyes to the severity of this prohibition.)
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Every week, at the end of Shabbat, Rabbi Yehoshua Leib Diskin would give a class on the weekly Torah portion. Outside it was already dark and cold. One of the students brought boiling water, glasses, and sugar. Rabbi Diskin was very weak, and, knowing this, the student added several spoonfuls of sugar from a new packet to his tea. His teacher thanked him and began to drink. Suddenly, the rabbi’s worried wife peeked out of the kitchen and asked whether everything was all right. “Yes, everything is fine,” Rabbi Diskin reassured her as he finished his tea. After tea, another student, Rabbi Dov Ber Grossberg, collected all the glasses and took them to the kitchen. While there, he asked why the rebbetzin had been so worried. “I thought someone had mistakenly put salt in the rabbi’s tea instead of sugar, but he said everything was all right. Strange…”
Rabbi Dov Ber took his teacher’s glass with the remaining tea and took a small sip to see what was wrong. His face contorted. “Several spoonfuls of salt have been dissolved in this,” Rabbi Grossberg remarked. “Oh!” exclaimed the rebbetzin, who now understood everything. “But this could harm the rabbi’s health, which is already poor…” When the students had left, she asked her husband, “What about the commandment to look after your health?..” Rabbi Diskin calmly replied, “In this case, it is set aside, for it is said that it is better to throw oneself into a blazing furnace than to shame another person».