Keeping Far from Falsehood
26. Sometimes, to avoid conflicts and unpleasant situations, it is permitted to alter certain details. The Torah places great emphasis on the laws governing human relationships, with the ultimate goal of bringing people to unity and love. Discord and hatred have always been the cause of many misfortunes in the world, including assimilation and persecution by people of other faiths. To avoid this, in various awkward situations the Torah permits resorting to “unconventional” methods—that is, using inaccurate information out of concern over a brewing conflict.
Example:
You are in a great hurry to get home. On the way, a passerby tries to stop you to ask for a pen. He urgently needs to write something down. Without stopping, you reply, “I don’t have a pen.”
According to the law, you are permitted to say that you do not have a pen so as not to offend him, because you are currently unable to provide him with one. There is also an opinion that, when necessary, one may tell an untruth only if one’s words can be understood in two ways (for example, “My pen is at home”: the first interpretation is that the person left his pen at home; the second is that he has a pen at home, but also has one in his pocket.)
Nevertheless, each time you must carefully consider whether telling an untruth is warranted in that particular case.
27. The Babylonian Talmud, in tractate Ketubot, discusses how one should praise and extol the bride in the groom’s presence at the wedding feast. There is a mitzvah to bring joy to the groom throughout the first week after the wedding. This includes praising his bride—after all, what could bring him greater joy and encouragement?
The sages of the school of Shammai say, “One may praise only the qualities the bride actually has. In their view, one may not extol her for qualities she does not possess, because lying is forbidden.
For example, a quarrelsome bride may be praised for her intelligence and skill in running a household, but not for her character.” The sages of the school of Hillel maintain that every bride is beautiful and virtuous. (This may be said to every groom.)
But what about the prohibition, “Keep far from falsehood”? The point is that, in the groom’s own eyes, she really is quite beautiful and virtuous (or, at least, can become so), and he sincerely believes this.
The law follows the opinion of the school of Hillel, and at a wedding it is considered very important to praise the bride lavishly, even if she is not particularly beautiful, is blind, or is even ugly. It is also permitted to speak of inner qualities that she does not possess. This is not merely permitted, but is a direct instruction from the sages of earlier generations.
28. It is a great mitzvah to speak about the deceased at a mourning ceremony (hesped). When doing so, it is permitted to exaggerate slightly when describing the person’s good deeds and fine qualities. However, one may not exaggerate excessively or speak of virtues the person did not possess at all. This may harm the speaker himself and also cause suffering to the soul of the deceased.